i'll sing a Michael Bublé song just to turn this around.

In the 365 days we face each year, we will hold our heads high, armed with a giant list of resolutions that will later be neglected quietly as the year goes on by.
Resolutions in my list included "not caring what others think of me", "being fit and healthy", and just in general "carpe diem my butt off when I'm in Japan".
(as I write this blog, I'm munching on a Malaysian snack, so much for that healthy stuff huh.)

In the 365 days we face each year and in the 52 weeks that are present, it is certain that we all will have our Ellen DeGeneres happy-go-lucky kinda days. (which is much preferable in comparison to the other extreme I'm about to make.)

Other times, we will have our Edward Cullen/Bella Swan "woe-is-me" kinda day.

I think I've been having Bella Swan type of days.

She's a whole new character apart from Edward.
She's constantly depressed, and needs a vampire in her life to look at her like a piece of rib-eye steak to truly experience joy.
That's a whole new messed up for you right there =]

Sometimes we can't please everyone.
I thought I left my high school with a huge bang of good grades and great friends.
I thought no one would really care if I left high school.

I have been proven wrong.
My leaving encouraged gossip.

Lately, "someone" has been accusing me of things that I can't even comprehend doing.
"Someone", is desperately trying to spread rumors about me throughout my form in high hopes that my reputation will turn sour.

Sadly, I take almost everything to heart, and out of habit, I took these words to heart too.
These rumors criticized my existence in life, basically.
These rumors took shots at the things that matter to me most. 

The part which stings the most is that some of my "friends" didn't bother sticking up for me when they found out about these rumors!
They had the courtesy to tell me about the rumors spreading about me in school but didn't bother try and prevent it.
"April doesn't deserve the clarification! Please."

Some of my "friends" have also shown that they could not care less about me.
Despite my efforts being their good friend, in times of trouble, many have fled the opposite direction, leaving me alone and confused.
Some even rub it in that I feel a certain way I do.
Some even told me that I deserved it, following with a "XD LOL!"
Never, in my life, has an emoticon made me feel so small. Talk about ridiculous.
It seemed like everywhere I turned, a door was closing.
And this house I was standing in had no windows either, so... any chance of windows opening was pretty much impossible.
The part which just hurt the most was the feeling of total rejection and solitude.

I think God was sick of my bitterness (and of Secondhand Serenade's wails of self pity and destruction), because Michael Bublé somehow invaded my "self pity playlist" that I created on impulse in my iTunes Library upon arriving home late today.
Trumpets started blaring, and an extremely addictive piano riff came through my speakers like an overwhelming wave of love. Although Michael Bublé isn't a Christian, and doesn't sing Christian songs, God knows that he's one of the best jazz singers in our generation today.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AJmKkU5POA
I believe that God works miracles with his creation.
I also believe that God knows me better than I know myself.

As I heard Michael belt about love and its wonders, I couldn't help but slowly start to smile.
Music has always been my passion in life, even since young.
God used it to touch me in ways I can never comprehend till this day.
He knew that music could change the way I feel about the situation I've been placed under.
He showed me that I had to turn to him, and not to my peers for any kind of comfort whatsoever.
He proved to me that he will never disappoint for he is my Heavenly Father.
He is my shield, my reward, my everything.

He's my best friend, and I don't need anyone else but Him.
So I will no longer be hurt over what man does to me.
For I know that my time on this ball of blue and green (and increasing amount of gray), is not long.
My time with Him is eternal, and I'll spend every minute of my life in this world serving Him.

In our 365 days of the year, and all the 52 weekends that we'll have,
we will have days where we feel horrible, depressed, and discouraged by others.

All we can really do is pray, and pray a bit more, then crank up that Michael Bublé on iTunes to the maximum, and without you realizing it, your back where you were with that trademark Ellen DeGeneres smile.

If that doesn't work for you?
Just have a good chocolate brownie.
With a scoop of ice cream.

All my love always,
April

my first blogging experience

For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to start a blog.

Why not start earlier? Ah. Good question.
Answer? My pride.
Well, where do I even BEGIN?
Firstly, I was intimidated by capable and witty bloggers in the blogosphere whom managed to write with extreme flair and elegance.
Secondly, I was afraid that it was a bad time to start writing. I was afraid that my lack of vocabulary in the English language would make my blog a bore to read.
Thirdly, I was afraid of bad feedback about my blog. Worst of all, I was afraid of no feedback about my blog.

Do I need to go on? Seriously.

Ah I am not good with first impressions :P ...i'm not a very positive person, I know. I'm working on it. Half cup full yeah?

I guess the decision to start a blog is not because my opinion of blogging has evolved overnight, but purely because I want the ones I love the most to know what's happening in my life.
Many events have taken place, and circumstances have changed over the past years.
Unfortunately, I've only managed to keep hand written diaries for perhaps a solid month or two.. then it kinda just stops. =/

Blogging seems so much easier than a diary.
I want all my memories of life written down. I'm afraid of it withering away into the corners of my mind, never to be told ever again.
My life so far has been translated into songs, and lyrics..
But I want more. I want to be versatile and write anything.
Therefore, welcome to my blog everyone!
I will try my best to write well :)

I will be embarking on a one year exchange to Tokyo, Japan very soon.
Am I excited? Surprisingly....no. I'm dreading it, funnily enough.
I am definitely grateful for getting this opportunity to go to Japan, don't get me wrong here. It's just I'll have a hugiant list of the things I'll miss back here in New Zealand.

Things such as the random breezy walks I take to the park and back at 8PM because I feel like it. I doubt I will be able to do this in Japan. I would probably be stuck in some random school doing some random work. Things I take for granted such as my piano, my guitar, my unlimited internet, for instance.

I would also miss weekends. You don't get weekends in Japan! HOW do people cope? I think they're all robots, disguised as humans. I would miss the beach? Tokyo is ... a hellhole of buildings, really. =/ I've been there too, back in '08. It's really nothing but buildings and lights. It's pretty, but it's artificial. It's not God's handiwork.

I would miss my family, my church, my friends.. everything, really. The list goes on, and on.. and on. I'll miss the comfort of home. But I need to grow up. Therefore, going on this exchange is really best for me to become an independent person.

I'm hoping that I'll make friends on this website. It'll sure keep me company in Japan, especially if I suddenly feel lonely or homesick, I have a feeling this website is gonna reassure me that home's not far.

All my love always,

April