christmas eve?

gorgeous christmas tree <3

It scares me that when I woke up today, it was already Christmas Eve.
I got up at 5AM, and walked an hour to my station in the freezing cold to take a train to Narita Airport.
My family came to Japan today, and I'm currently sitting in a small, tiny hotel room somewhere in Ueno, feeling awfully nostalgic about the year's events.
The holidays bring a sense of warmth and comfort but at the same time; I don't know why I feel so lost when my family's just by my side.

So; taking an hour train ride to Narita, I reflect.
I hate the airport. With passion.
If Hell existed; it would be either Namjatown, or the Airport.
Fullstop.
No questions asked.

welcome to Japan!!

My family coming here to Tokyo was, and is quite exciting.
I have a ton of places that I want to take them to; a ton of restaurants to eat at, and I want to show them the life I lead here in Tokyo.
Particularly, how different it is in comparison to my life here back in New Zealand.

I don't remember my life back in New Zealand anymore.
Was there a time where I didn't wake up at 5AM?
Was there a time where I didn't walk at a 'ridiculously fast' speed?

Things have changed.
Meeting my family today; I realized I've missed my brother a heck of a lot.
I've missed my dad, and my mom too.
But I realized the one big thing that made my Christmas Eve extremely sad as well.

I've changed...so much.

I used to be able to laugh, at any thing.
I wasn't so serious about life, and about the future.
It's like reality has slapped me in the face.
When ignorance was my best friend, bliss was mine too.

I'm not sure if this is part of growing up.
Maybe it's because 18 is fast and approaching me.
Yet I still feel like the stupid 15 year old girl two years ago that came to Japan and ran up and down the carriages in the train yelling "GAIJIN WHAT UPP!"
At the same time, I look back and I hardly recognize that April anymore.
Where has she gone?
Sometimes I miss her, and sometimes I wanna slap her in the face.

The one thing that probably hasn't, and wont change about me is the fact I whine a lot.
Ironically it is the one thing I've always wanted to change about myself but just never could.

mummy and meeeee :D

sukiyaki

Daddy and Koko

I brought my parents to eat sukiyaki and sushi today.
We explored the markets in Ueno, and walked around electric city town in Akihabara.
I've been to these places a million times and over so it wasn't too exciting for me but my family enjoyed it so much.
I miss that too.
That fascination I initially had with the simple things about Japan.
The crazy fruit prices, the even crazier cosplay costumes, the maids, the lights, the people...
I had that fascination two years ago, and somehow it was gone when I came back here this year.

I have literally 32 more days here in Japan.
I cannot believe I've made it this far.
I think of all the other exchange students I know that have left, or have decided to leave early because of some reason or another; and I am glad to say I am going to make it through the whole 10 months.

Of course I'm not wanting to leave this place.
How can I? When I think of New Zealand, the only thing drawing me home is the idea that it was initially my home, and that I could perhaps study what I want to study. (Law, that is.)
Also, my friends, and my family...
It would be good to catch up with everyone and see how they've maybe changed as well during my absence.

The thing about change is that if you don't change together; you drift apart.
Sure you can be best friends with someone, and you can tell each other everything but distance is an evil bastard and it does something extraordinary yet so horrible at the same time.
It pushes people away; and there's another relationship which you look back on and think, "oh those were brilliant days gone by", and the present just leaves you with this gaping hole.

I am happy my family are here, don't get me wrong.
I can't be happier.
It's just so awful that I realized how much I've changed in the first hour of meeting them for the first time in months; and being unsure if my change was for the better, or for the worse.

However.
In the time that they are here, I hope to bring them to all the places around Tokyo that awed me those two years ago, and take them to eat the best Japanese cuisine around town.
(Thanks to my host family, I have recommendations from Japanese locals;
so crossing my fingers this is the good stuff ;p)

had to drag him all the way into the machine. Check out his enthusiastic faces in all of them. XD

Tomorrow on Christmas Day, my mom turns the big five oh.
I cannot wait; because I'm bringing them to Asakusa and Yokohama for the Christmas illuminations as well.
Going to Chinatown and Minato Mirai at night should ideally be done with your significant other in my opinion but in this case; I have no significant other, so I'll have to baby up to my brother for now :P
He hasn't changed too much; just his hairstyle.
I'm so glad he hasn't though- I love him just the way he is.
It's also comforting to know that he's still the same because he'll always love me despite my many, many flaws.

My parents look well too.
My mom still asks a lot of questions, and my dad is still always concerned over me.

I just hope I didn't give them the impression that I've changed for the worst- because they have forked out a small if not hugiant fortune for me to be here, and thanks to America, the NZD isn't doing too swimmingly at present.

Christmas Eve last year I was traveling around Singapore and Malaysia with my brother,
and surrounded by everything familiar and wonderful.

This year; things have changed.
I'm in Japan.
It's my first time experiencing a cold Christmas, (unfortunately not a white christmas)
Instead of my parents taking me around; I'm taking them around.

eating Doraemon's favourite snack!

I wish time would stop flying by so fast.
It would be nice to enjoy one day at a time instead of feeling like the whole day has just gone by way too fast for comfort.
Does this come with the age thing?
Because if it does then heck; I do not wanna grow old.

That would be my Christmas wish.
(amongst other things...:D)

All my love always,

April