halfway mark

It was an ordinary day today.
Well, depends on what you call ordinary.

In Japan, I go to school from Mondays to Saturdays.
Most days follow a similar schedule as written below;
and today was no different.

Wake up at 6AM.
Sleep in till 6:15.
Throw phone at the wall because up till now I'm still an idiot, 

and I still do not know how to deactivate snooze.
Say sorry to my phone.
Rush around brushing my teeth while putting on uniform.
Put on socks that are clearly turned inside out.
Run for the bus stop.
Dodge all the butterflies that fly in my face whilst running to the bus stop.
Catch the bus.
Lose my balance embarrassingly on the bus.
Sprint to the station.
Get onto the yellow train for 5 minutes.
Transfer onto the dark blue train.
Be squished up next to some sweaty stranger for a good long 30 minutes.
Rush for the ticket barriers.
Run to school.
Jog up the stairs (too unfit to run up any flight of stairs really) to homeroom.
Apologize to my homeroom teacher for being late.
Try not to fall asleep in the classes.
Study Kanji characters and grammar points.
Eat lunch.
Attend lessons for another grueling two and a half hours.
Go to Art club for another two and a half hours.
School's over. (finally)
Try and not fall asleep on the two trains home.
Arrive in home station.
Take the bus home.
 

Yes; I felt the need to tell all my readers my monotonous way to get to and from school.

I should take a video of this one day; 

you will all be shit happy to see me pant and puff early in the morning.

It was an ordinary day today.
Got home today, chocolate bar in hand, and 'zero calorie' milk tea in the other.

(someone tell me how not to comfort eat, seriously.)

Flopped onto my bed, and looked at the calender and...it occurred to me.

Today is my halfway mark.

before I came to Japan (March 29th)

and now, September 2010..

 

 

Have I changed?

Appearance wise?

Don't state the obvious- the fact I've gained weight. :P

I came here on the 4th of April.
To Tokyo, Japan.
To one of the most coveted cities in the world- and not to mention the most expensive.

I plan to be here in Japan for 10 months, and it's officially been a total of five months.

I'm...halfway done.
It's unbelievable, and I do not know where my time has gone.
Why is it that I'm always chasing time?
I'm chasing for my full use of 24 hours every single day.
I'm never ahead of it, never in control of it.

Wasn't it just a week ago when I was fighting for my life to get out of my first host family?
I swear, it was just a week ago when I did get out,
and I was walking to that supermarket to get watermelon boxes to put all my belongings in.
It was just yesterday that I got back from Osaka.
It was just.. not too long ago, that I literally went to the airport to say goodbye to someone that is always going to have a special place in my heart- although the odds of ever seeing them again are past impossibility.
It was just not too long ago, and I still hurt in all the places that no one ever wants to be hurt, -ever- in their lives.
It was just .. not long ago, and my god, how the hell am I still alive and breathing?

It's become a habit for me.
I try not to expect too much of myself to avoid any hurt,
but then I go and buy a ton a textbooks and tell myself I will finish all of them before I get back to New Zealand.

I think that I can't do many things with myself.
I think that I can't, I can't, and I can't,
but for some odd reason, I do anyway.

I fight through, and then when I get out I don't believe that I have made it through,
because I know that there is always going to be another obstacle I've yet to conquer,
and allowing myself to be happy, to be comfortable just for a brief second would lead to what I've gotten very used to lately, and that is disappointment and loneliness.

...holy crap that was a long and depressing sentence XD

So here I am.

My halfway mark.

I feel like I've already had a year's worth of memories and experiences here in Japan, 

it's hard to believe it's only been five months.

...Just five?

Time has felt so long here in Japan, yet so short.

So long because the days drag on, but the week goes by in just the blink of an eye. 

I'm starting to count down towards the day I go back to New Zealand.

5, 4, 3, 2, and then a month left till I go back to New Zealand?

Back home to Kiwiland?

To see my family and friends?

To play my piano, to bake up a storm, to apply for uni, and then...what?

To be honest- going home now would be perfect.

I miss you all so much.

I miss you guys so much to the point that I feel like screaming because I feel like the best times in Japan that I can have, and that I will have is already gone.

...It's already over.

But then I know that this kind of thinking just won't get me anywhere.

So I'll stay on.

Till after that culture festival.

After the Izu trip.

After the Hiroshima trip too.

=] 頑張ります！

My language proficiency has also improved.

It's amazing because I dream in Japanese now.

I also think in Japanese, and I can relate to my friends so much better.

I'm starting to make really great friends now, and we talk about the weirdest things,

but I don't use English so much anymore.

In fact, I never use English because I don't eat lunch with the other exchange kids now.

So really, I only write English online. =]

Therefore, don't freak out if I come home with the worst English accent ever.

I already have a terrible one, but it might worsen; if that is remotely possible. 

Looking back at where I was in April and where I am now; I've definitely grown.

In both the physical and mental way.

I'm bloody hugiant now, I'm eating so much it's insane.

I'm stronger mentally because I don't freak out about absolutely everything now.

Just some things. But not everything :P

I still have faults,
and I think I'm the most imperfect person on this planet because of how ridiculous I think and act at times but;

I've definitely changed a lot of things about myself as a result of all the hardship I've been put through.

One major thing about me that has changed is definitely the fact that I just don't regret anymore.

I never regret anything.

Even things that I would have regretted doing; things that I should regret doing?
I dont.
I guess the term 'don't cry over spilled milk' has finally revealed itself to me :)

This halfway mark really reminds me that I'm not in Japan for much longer.
It felt long to start with,
but it'll probably end faster than it started.
Don't most things?
If you think about it; it takes so much time and effort to build a relationship,
but a few words that are uttered in seconds can end everything.
It's unfortunate.

I gotta use it wisely.

I can't afford not to after all, because time is money, a
nd with each and every passing day of my life here in Japan?

I want it to be a memory.

A memory that I can look back on without any regrets whatsoever.

So although I miss the way I used to be;

I like the me now better than I ever did before.

I'm definitely developing a greater sense of self.

Of course He knows me better than I'll ever know myself but- I am definitely starting to know that the limits I set upon myself aren't real.

They're just imaginary; because in reality?

We don't have limitations.

Whatever we set our mind to do, we can accomplish.

Just like I worked hard for this exchange here in Japan,

I'll continue to strive to make my mark on this planet.

I'll keep working towards a future that'll enable me to revisit this country again someday,

go back to the places that have made me the person I am today, and reminisce about the amazing 2010 I had back in Tokyo, Japan.

I'm working towards a future that will eliminate the difficulty of distance.

So no matter how far away the people I love are, seeing them face to face again is no challenge.

Making new friends here in Tokyo and going on exchange really allows you to make the best of friends in the shortest duration possible.

Leaving them is so hard, it hurts to miss them.

But it encourages me.

To somehow finish my exchange with a huge bang.

To be absolutely fluent in my Japanese proficiency; and to learn as many interesting things as possible within the remaining 5 months I have left.

To study even harder when I'm in Auckland Uni, so that I can go on another exchange to somewhere different yet again the year after.

After all- what better way to explore the world then when you are young?

So Japan?

Thank you.
For everything that you've done for me so far.

Up till now- you've put me through hell but you've also shown me that no matter what,

there truly is a rainbow after every storm.

So all my love always,

April