culture shock

Culture Shock.
I never thought it existed.
Or perhaps I was just ignorant.

I thought that if your open minded to everything, you shouldn't have a problem adjusting to a different culture.
Unless you have zero opinions about anything in life,
then of course you're going to have zero problems adjusting to things,
because you wouldn't have an opinion about change.

However, I am the most opinionated person I know.
I have an opinion about everything, and it's mostly negative opinions too. (unfortunately)
After many events in my life, this is who I've become,
and I don't like it one bit.
I'm trying to change,
but each time I try,
a day like THIS happens.

I wish with all my heart I can say I enjoy every single day without a single worry in my mind.
I wish I can be all happy and worry free because HELLO, I'm in JAPAN, whats not to like?
I think Japan has been blown up by the media to be this place where you can escape to,
but I think otherwise.
Japan is a nice place to visit,
but to live in, and to actually follow the rules and live as a Japanese citizen?
...no.

If you've lived in a white-dominated country prior living in Japan, or any Asian country really,
Warning: You're going to struggle.
I'm Asian, heck I'm Malaysian, and I'm struggling with the Japanese culture.
I thought that because of the common Asian-ness that both cultures share, we'd be fine.
Boy, was I wrong.

Today was my first day of school,
and it was on a Saturday.
I struggled with the thought of only having a one-day weekend.

I get up at 5AM everyday to travel via public transportation for 1 1/2 - 2 hours.
That's okay, its Japan, everyone travels by train.

I fell asleep on the bus, got off the wrong stop, and the bus driver didn't bother to tell me despite the fact he knew which stop I was getting off originally.
That's not okay, that's kinda ratch, but I'll get used to it.

My purity ring was considered jewellery, and even though I explained that it was purely religious and not for show, it was still confiscated.
That's kinda stupid, and I am worried about my ring.

My camera magically evaporated into the Japanese polluted air.
That's also not okay, I freaking love that camera.

My school principal called my host mom to tell her that my hair needs to look more Japanese. I am going to a hair salon tomorrow and dyeing it black, and having it straightened.
Are. You. Kidding. Me.

I was supposed to go to church tomorrow and have lunch with a friend, chill out, have the day all to myself.
No, I'm going to a hair dresser instead to look like everyone else at school.

I'm in a classroom full of 15 year olds, who really love the thought of having foreign boyfriends.
They are all looking forward to watch the movie "MY DARLING IS A FOREIGNER".
I seriously can't understand what's the obsession with having a boyfriend that's not your own race.

Right now, I'm struggling because a lot of little things have added up into one huge, huge thing.
After a lot of tears, and a lot of comfort from a little four year old girl,
I've looked on the bright side of things.

Sure, they're stripping away my individuality,
and sure, I cannot stand to be in a classroom full of screaming 15 year old girls,
but maybe it's time I learn how to relate to the younger generation.
I've always struggled to relate to younger girls,
and I get along better with older people.
Maybe its time I learnt,
and maybe its time I adjusted and understand the meaning of what is takes to be open minded.
I know for a fact that straight hair on me looks stupid,
so I'm not going to try and make a positive outcome of that one.

I guess everyone has their rough days..
But I seem to be getting them every day.
I think the first stage in a new country is always difficult,
but I never knew it was THIS difficult.

I come from a place where freedom is a right, not a privilege
To live in a country where freedom is a privilege and not a right,
and when expressing oneself is considered a huge no no?
I struggle with that greatly.
I struggle, and I'm continuing to struggle.

On the bright side,
I fit into my tiny Japanese uniform
Or maybe they just gave me a bigger size.
But whatever, I'm just glad it fits.

All my love always,
April