I came across this picture while "studying". I'm taking a course in collecting adorable pictures on the internet. I've been unsurprisingly getting straight A's, and graduating top of my class.
I used to be obsessed with stationary. I have this embarrassing collection of letter templates and pens, and cringe worthy fact about me coming up in three, two, one..
I invested in this calligraphy set that cost me 60 bucks, which I haven't even opened...since 2006.
That was a good five years ago. I'm positive the ink has dried out by now.
I'm not really keen to open the box either. I keep thinking a family of spiders have taken refuge in the box, you know? Or there might not be spiders in the box.
So at present- there are spiders, and there are no spiders in the box at the same time.
(just using my Big Bang Theory knowledge to good use. I hope for my own sake that's an appropriate analogy. If not- I blame the writers of the show. And Sheldon.)
But I stared at this picture and couldn't help but wish.
Wish that my life was as simple as letter templates, where my dreams would fit in an envelope and postmarked all across the globe, to be opened by someone I love a week and a half later.
I'd stick my heart on the back, and people caring enough would not rip it apart but work around the edges to find out what's written inside.
I'd start all over, where I can put my endless regrets in a shredding machine, erase out my catastrophic bad life choices, and color in my wish list with pink, purple, and sky blue.
I'd arrange all my dreams in alphabetic order, and lock away the heartache within the drawers.
...and throw away the key. What idiot would re-open that drawer, I don't know.
With exams coming up in just three days, and the year drawing to a close in just two more months, I can't help but feel that the course of this year has been one of the most unproductive, and the most tragic year to date.
You'd think that the year I turn 18 would be filled with intense partying and alcohol, and self awareness and soul searching...but not really.
I've studied the majority of the free time I've had to myself, and every single time I head home from town, the cool kids come walking into town to go clubbing.
Let me tell you this. There is nothing more pathetic and awkward.
It's the most unwanted feeling in the world when you walk the opposite direction from everyone, and then having to endure the all knowing smirks and judgmental scoffs.
Good thing I've made a few friends that are as uncool as I am, and we'd walk the opposite direction away from all the intimidating clubs and uninhibited drunk people almost every Friday night.
I assure myself that I'd rather go home to an abundance of Chinese food and a family that would coddle me to death if they could. And my laptop.
Personally I know I much rather take a long bath, and climb into my pj's, all the while watching re runs of Arrested Development or the Mentalist.
I'm not so ignorant to say that I haven't tried doing the cool 18 year old thing, and going partying.
I have, but I think the stress from uni is too overwhelming that I end up feeling guilty if I am not studying. And plus- I'd rather worry about learning how to calculate marginal cost prices than worry about the multiple blisters forming on the back of my feet from my heels.
Wow, when did I ever get this introverted?
According to Psych108, people that are introverted are immediately a disappointment to their parents.
...FACT. ^_^
I haven't blogged privately in a while either- which is a shock even to myself.
I've used all that time learning short run cost curve graphs for Economics, growing increasingly hateful about Americans, memorizing useless information about ethics and security in the business environment, and best of all, sleeping through my case law analysis practice exercises.
I can't seem to sort anything out though. So what if I prepared for the exams ahead of time? I still have this growing knot in my stomach before I go to bed every night knowing my exams are right around the corner.
The pressure to get into Law school and the impending fear that I'll end up homeless one day has really hit me hard. Additionally, all the uncertainty about my future has left me a neurotic, paranoid, and sad excuse of a person.
Even if I don't make it into the second half of law school, at least I can confirm one thing.
The only reason why lawyers get paid so much is because no one can read such small font.
No one can understand the ridiculous grammatical structures.
Above all though- no one really gives a crap.
Okay, so maybe that's three things. But still- all this debate about making law more accessible to the public should be a larger issue than it is. With Latin phrases and references every second word in a sentence, it's no wonder that people find it hard to understand the law.
My budding lawyer skills have proven exceptional though. They have developed rather well. I'm being charitable for my own sake, of course.
In my latest test, the examiner even wrote an appreciative "WTF" around my conclusion.
I wrote something along the lines of...
"the plaintiff completely, but not completely and should not be granted the appeal but can do so regardless of negligent or willful conduct to inflict emotional duress on another individual."
Someone get me an award for literary genius. Please, it's painful to wait.
I didn't actually fail that test- she/he probably felt sorry for me and gave me sympathy marks.
I'm also rather pleased they didn't attach a McDonalds job application form to my test script.
I was half expecting to receive something of the sort anyhow. ;)
Luckily I've managed to work up my stamina in reading cases though, and similarly my writing speed has been considerably faster than a toddler learning how to write their ABC's since the start of the semester.
I stress in using "stamina" when describing the physical effort it takes to sit down and plow through a judgment without falling asleep.
If it isn't my calling (whatever the fuuuuuuck that means) to become a world-class bitch of a lawyer in an A-line pencil skirt, then I hope that I'm okay with that if/when my application for second year law is denied accordingly.
The faculty of Law decided to put the notification dates concerning our eligibility into the law program on Christmas Day too. So it can either be a very good Christmas, or a Christmas spent in my pj's and curling up in bed. The latter sounds quite comfortable though tragic.
Here's to passing all our exams without passing out in the examination hall.
Here's to getting there on time and having superb wrist strength to write for three hours straight.
All my love always,
April
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