Officially Three Months

It’s been three months.

I’ve made it. 

I am past that mark that is apparently so damn difficult to get across. 

It literally is taught in exchange companies all over the world that the first two months, (not two and a half, two), is the hardest. I disagree, because I’ve just had ups and downs throughout these first two months as opposed to having two straight months of depression. (Thank God.)

Summer is literally just around the corner. The things I’ve wanted to do since I’ve gotten here haven’t changed. Climbing that mountain, watching the fireworks, spending time with friends, studying Japanese; it hasn’t changed.

In fact; I’ve got a pleasant pile of untouched books and Kumon worksheets alike to get through in the upcoming summer. Since when did vacation become so stressful? Welcome to Japan.

There are two girls that arrived yesterday from Belgium and Taiwan. I have no idea why I have to suddenly become the world’s worst translator yet to date, but apparently that is what I am now.

The Belgium girl can only speak English, and yes you guessed it, the Taiwanese girl can only speak Chinese. I can speak neither, but the fact that I can speak some would naturally put me in the obligatory position of interpreter in the family. IT is CHALLENGING. I have no idea how I survived a whole 7 hours of doing so last night, but I did, and my God, I should get paid! XD

It’s amusing because Chinese is obviously my weaker language, seeing as I never practice. So, talking to the Chinese girl, I would substitute words I am not familiar with in Japanese, or even Hokkien. She understands the latter; because Taiyu is similar to Hokkien. They are built on the same dialect. =] Don’t you love the beauty of languages?

It’s such amazing practice for me though; I can finally utilize all three languages with one another without having to always fall back onto English. Japanese is becoming the language that I have to use in this environment in order to express what I want to say; (or what the other girls would want to say), so maybe this will help me improve my Japanese too. Fingers crossed, I’ll be freaking legendary at Japanese after summer vacation is over.

Surprisingly, my host family is acknowledging the fact that I can switch between the three when the situation demands it (all the time), and the atmosphere has changed.

 I sense a hint of appreciation, but maybe that’s just the heat getting to me. Maybe, but one can hope right? J

Reflecting on my stay  here in Japan so far; I’ve realized that I’ve got a heck of a lot to be thankful for.

Sure, I have gone through things that no one in their lives should ever be forced to go through, and sure, I constantly live in this weird state of fear and major unaware of identity when someone makes a comment about my looks, and ability to think like an adult, but it’s okay.

These entire situations just link down to the one thing that I’ve always struggled with, and that is the fact that I care too damn much.

If I didn’t care so much, if I didn’t seek so much approval, I would be a much happier person. I’ve noticed that the times I am most happy? I am not trying to be the perfect home stay girl. I am not trying to cram Kanji down my throat, in hopes that they would be digested into my system. I am happy, when I choose to be happy, and not let the *little* things get to me.  

There are little moments in my exchange that make me remember why I wanted to come to Japan. Although there are times when I am in the train, and the little TV flashes by saying another “accident” has happened, and I cringe in awareness of the fact that someone has committed suicide yet again, I am slowly starting to accept that this is the culture that they are brought up in.

They are brought up in a culture that doesn’t have room for any dilly dally. You just have to move on with life. Look at history, and compare it with now? Nothing has really changed. It makes you think the Japanese people are cold, cruel, and have no ability to love.

But after thinking about it; maybe they want to wallow in self pity such as myself; but they know they can’t. Because life goes on, and even when the shit does hit the fan, if you don’t clean it up, the situation won’t change. So they proceed on changing that situation as fast as possible with as little emotion involved. It’s hard to accept the first time round, heck, its hard to accept it now. But I’m convinced that if I write this into existence I’ll somehow believe it anyway.

There are also the times when I just want to scream. WHY am I here, when I can be somewhere else? WHY, WHY, and WHY. But I realize that if you turn those questions into a “How”, its just so much easier. So instead of asking why I have to do something, I ask myself, “how can I do this the fastest and simplest way possible while maximizing  all the benefits one may gain from lets say; cleaning the school toilets”

And when my host family makes me clean the whole entire house before I leave to go have fun with friends, I won’t ask why, I’ll ask “how can I clean these stairs at lightning speed without tripping over myself and creating more scars to add to the collection I already have on my legs?”

You know what? It’s okay. This is boot camp for me before I enter some magazine company that makes me bring coffee for everyone in the first year or two. This is training for me ,to not cry when I write articles in the future that get ridiculed for being amateur. This is just an opportunity for me to toughen up and not take everything so damn personally.

Yes, I can hear the “I told you so”, from a million people all around the world.

My God, I am flattering myself. More like the one person that would read my blog (hi mom). And yes, I agree with you; you were right, and I was wrong. I am an over emotional raging twat that should really stop reverting to shopping and eating as a way to “release her stress”.

It’s such a mentality thing. My being here; its clear as day.

To discover photos like these ones!

No not really. 

It’s really just to slap me in the face and tell me to grow the hell up.

Reading my previous blogs; God I am so damn whiny. (But I still like to whine, so bear with me)

I whine about all the negatives because I fail in finding the positives in the situation.

But how can there be a negative if there isn’t a positive?

So while I am here, while I am surviving, while I’m living, I’ll always try and look on the bright side prior to listing out the tones of negatives that are so easy for me to find. So when everything has gone wrong? I’ll just write my positives into existence, and maybe they will happen in real life. Maybe, just maybe, the happier I write myself to be, I will be in reality. 

(Does that even make ANY SENSE grammatically? I should really delete that sentence, I will. Later. Maybe 20 years down the road when I stumble upon this blog again, and laugh at my pathetic choice of word combination and structure)

All my love always,

April