an unforgettable summer

I can't believe I went through a whole month and not manage to write a single blog!
It's disappointing because I really wanted to jot down every single memory I've had of this wonderful summer vacation but I guess photos will have to do for now.

I've been really busy enjoying the Japanese summer, and enjoying it with good company too =]
August is truly the best month in Japan to date.
I have so many memories that I cannot possibly forget.
To all the people that have contributed to my amazing summer in Japan?
Thank you.
Not only did I have such a supportive host family that let me go on vacation to Osaka and Kamakura for a week;
I had such a relaxing and fun time staying out late for my first ever time here in Tokyo.

There are so many things about Japan that are different.
You don't see it when you live in Tokyo, but going down to Osaka?
I wish I did my exchange there.
They are more human than the people in Tokyo.
The trains come late, and people are less efficient but; they don't give a shit about everything.
It's refreshing.
They're human, and they are so warm.
The kids in Osaka also have a more outgoing vibe about them.

Osaka also has the best adverts to date.
There are terrible ones in Tokyo, but I'm sure you won't find these types of adverts anywhere else in the world but Osaka, Japan.

Did I mention the food?
Oh god, I have gained a ton of weight in summer.
Aren't people meant to lose weight because of the heat?
Thus reducing one's appetite to eat?
This was just the opposite for me, and I just stuffed my face with all the good Osaka food.
Exploring Osaka, and eating all the local cuisine with someone special just made it all the better though. =]

Tempura Bento!

Takoyaki

drinking milk tea in American Muira

Going on vacation on your own in Japan, in a foreign country, exploring like tourists and making embarrassing mistakes with your Japanese while attempting to converse with the natives; it really makes you feel independent.
Independent and grown up. :)
Looking back, I can't believe that in a few days it's going to be September.
I came here in April, and I do not know where the time has gone.
Especially recently.
How did the time just slip away out of my grasp?
You try and cram as much as you want into a day but the minutes just tick by, the seconds just vanish, and before you know it; it's time for bed, and a new day will begin.

This summer has also taught me to treasure my time.
I have literally five more months on this exchange.
I am halfway there.
Halfway through my exchange, which has had so many ups and downs, (recently just up and up to be honest), and I am going to try my hardest to make the best of it before I return back to New Zealand for university.

But we all come to a sudden halt because we realize that such a fun month, such a fun time with someone cannot possibly last forever.
It ends, and then comes the long, hard process of acceptance.
On this world, joy does come with sorrow,
and for the first time,
I feel the pain in saying the word 'goodbye', and for the first time,
I know what it's like to lose something that is so precious, so rare, and am struggling to once again, let go.

My summer ends sadly, because I've had to say goodbye to one of the most important people to me.
The word 'goodbye' is one of the most stupid words to date.
How do the words 'good', and 'bye' have any connection with one another?
Nothing is good about saying bye to someone that you might never see again.
It's painful because you grow close, you build all these memories, and you try your hardest not to count down to some sort of sick expiration date because the time you have with one another is limited; but you do.
It's short, too short, and its printed out in black and white on a stupid flight ticket.
You count down the days, the hours, the minutes, and the seconds, and the second you have left with them.
You try and remember them as they are in person, right in front of you.
Because the minute they go, all you'll have of them is memories.
Photos, emails, messages, and just the remains of the past that you had with one another.

Going on exchange- I never thought that the hardest thing would be to say goodbye to everyone.
It's hard, that's for sure.
It's impossible when you are saying goodbye to someone you truly care and love about.
How do you let go?
How can you let go; knowing that what you've shared was so special, IS so special, and will always BE special?
And the most crucial of all?
The fact you don't WANT to let go.
You cling on to all the false hope you build inside of you.
"Maybe I'll see them again", or lets try "If I do this, maybe this will happen, and oh hey! That can happen too because I did this."

It's just ridiculous.
Pathetic, and ridiculous.

Grief comes in five stages.
The minute you lose someone, be it through death, sickness, distance, circumstance, whatever, you will always deny the fact it happened.
You deny the fact they are not by your side anymore,
and you say 'no' to all the facts that reality is shoving rudely in your face.
Realizing that saying 'no', to the situation at hand won't help?
You just start to bargain like crazy.
This is the second stage of grief, and once again, I am stuck.
Stuck here, because I refuse to get angry at this situation, or move onto the fourth which is just being depressed.
I feel that with bargaining comes depression anyway.
It's the acceptance part; the final stage, that I don't even want to bother considering.

Looking back to all the memories I've shared with you;
Thank you so much.
I'm so glad I met you; in fact, I'm blessed to have met someone like you.
I've missed you since the minute I said goodbye to you from the boarding gate of that silly airport, and I am missing you right now, and I know I will continue to always miss you.
I got told off for being too loud and hysterical because I couldn't stop crying both in the airport and on the train ride home?
It just reminded me that I was in Japan.
Back in New Zealand I can guarantee you at least 5 people would come up to me not to condemn me but to comfort me,
and here in Tokyo, despite my efforts not to look like the world is crashing down as we speak,
my emotions always show on my face.
I can't help it, and even when I smile, it doesn't reach my eyes.
I know this for a fact because my host dad will not let me forget it. >.<

I keep thinking that I will just turn around to see you standing there next to me,
or maybe an email will come to my phone asking me to come over so we could ごろごろ with one another but;
all that's left is just the memory of you.

You're one of the best parts about my exchange.
From making jokes about the Japanese language, and embarrassing all the natives here with our gaijin-ness,
all the way to just being there for me when I need someone,
I can't say thank you enough.
Having you here for half of it has been such a blessing to me.
So once again?
Thank you.
For everything.

All my love always,

April