bah, you are useless.

No, you're not that useless. I just wanted to grab your attention.
(don't deny it, you were hooked just by the title!)

I watch a lot of daytime television, which by the way, is a complete waste of pixels and brain space. Don't even think about turning that TV on unless
A) Tennis Grand Slam is on.
B) The Olympics.
C) The Ellen Show.
Otherwise, just don't even walk within 10 feet of that machine.
If you do? Side effects will most definitely include brain turning into goo.

Daytime TV includes infomercials.
Infomercials are by definition, the art of making people believing in a product that has been manufactured and designed by morons.
I admit it, I've been a victim of infomercials when young.
I've convinced my parents to do some useless shopping and buy the Winsor Pilates DVD series, the Magic Bullet, and the Lateral Thigh Stepper.
Have these things benefited our lives in any way?
No. Not really.

One, Magic Bullet is too small. 

No, "Mister Magic Bullet Man" in the TV, your product is NOT the ultimate party machine. I am the ultimate party machine. 

So go jump off something.

Two, Lateral Thigh Stepper just makes you fall down multiple times and graze your knees. 

Dear, "women on TV who like to lie to the world", I am not having fun exercising. I am not having fun feeling my knees kiss the ground. I am not having fun, full stop.

Three, Winsor Pilates does not make me look like a model. 

You gave me backpain, and a sore neck. My "abs", and my "glutes" did not become like Mari Winsor's, so I will not be putting you in the DVD player any time soon.

Yes, I was a sucker for those products.
However, these products have failed to convince me to buy them.
America has decided that their lives will be much more fulfilled with these products in their lives.
Take a look.

Hug-E-Gram.

Gee, Daddy, may I have a Hug-E-Gram for my 17th Birthday?
I promise I'll make good use of it! It'll keep me company, because I don't have a boyfriend to do so.
This thing will keep me away from the boys I tell ya!

Duvet Cover titled "Perfect Duvet Cover for Loving Couple"

(I hope no one is offended that there is nudity.)

"So honey, you ready for bed?"

Translation: "Walking Sleeping Bag"

Well, it's about time. I've always tripped up in my own sleeping bag! Let's face it, we ALL take walks to the park in our sleeping bag!
Thank you, Japan, once again, for enlightening us all of this tragedy that haunts us every sleepover and camping trip.

We all need a baby doll with hair placed in inappropriate places.

Education in our world today will shape our tomorrow. It is vital we teach kids how to shave.

More importantly, we teach them where.

How about a game of golf while I take a dump?

The future everyone. Instead of addressing your customers over a game of golf on the turf, let's save some money, and go over to the company toilets instead!

There is no picture of the actual "Pet Rock". It merely is a....rock.

This sold a total 2million in America.

Chris Brown sold 260,000 albums internationally following the Rihanna Bashing Crisis.

Zing.

I don't go to school. Does this mean I have a lot of time on my hands?
Why good sir, yes, yes I do.
My average day includes reading, eating (a lot), computer, and watching TV.
At times I will think about the infinite piles of things I have yet to sort out and do.
Such as, my Japanese Kumon worksheets that are dated "Aug 2009", and my unpacked luggage from the Malaysia trip my brother and I came back from...two months ago.
I am a procrastinator.
The first step is always admitting you have a problem.
There, first step conquered, first step done. I will stop now.

Maybe I'll do some infomerical shopping before I clean my room.
Sounds about right.

All my useless love always,

April