Resolutions in my list included "not caring what others think of me", "being fit and healthy", and just in general "carpe diem my butt off when I'm in Japan".
(as I write this blog, I'm munching on a Malaysian snack, so much for that healthy stuff huh.)
In the 365 days we face each year and in the 52 weeks that are present, it is certain that we all will have our Ellen DeGeneres happy-go-lucky kinda days. (which is much preferable in comparison to the other extreme I'm about to make.)
Other times, we will have our Edward Cullen/Bella Swan "woe-is-me" kinda day.
I think I've been having Bella Swan type of days.
She's a whole new character apart from Edward.
She's constantly depressed, and needs a vampire in her life to look at her like a piece of rib-eye steak to truly experience joy.
That's a whole new messed up for you right there =]
Sometimes we can't please everyone.
I thought I left my high school with a huge bang of good grades and great friends.
I thought no one would really care if I left high school.
I have been proven wrong.
My leaving encouraged gossip.
Lately, "someone" has been accusing me of things that I can't even comprehend doing.
"Someone", is desperately trying to spread rumors about me throughout my form in high hopes that my reputation will turn sour.
Sadly, I take almost everything to heart, and out of habit, I took these words to heart too.
These rumors criticized my existence in life, basically.
These rumors took shots at the things that matter to me most.
The part which stings the most is that some of my "friends" didn't bother sticking up for me when they found out about these rumors!
They had the courtesy to tell me about the rumors spreading about me in school but didn't bother try and prevent it.
"April doesn't deserve the clarification! Please."
Some of my "friends" have also shown that they could not care less about me.
Despite my efforts being their good friend, in times of trouble, many have fled the opposite direction, leaving me alone and confused.
Some even rub it in that I feel a certain way I do.
Some even told me that I deserved it, following with a "XD LOL!"
Never, in my life, has an emoticon made me feel so small. Talk about ridiculous.
It seemed like everywhere I turned, a door was closing.
And this house I was standing in had no windows either, so... any chance of windows opening was pretty much impossible.
The part which just hurt the most was the feeling of total rejection and solitude.
I think God was sick of my bitterness (and of Secondhand Serenade's wails of self pity and destruction), because Michael Bublé somehow invaded my "self pity playlist" that I created on impulse in my iTunes Library upon arriving home late today.
Trumpets started blaring, and an extremely addictive piano riff came through my speakers like an overwhelming wave of love. Although Michael Bublé isn't a Christian, and doesn't sing Christian songs, God knows that he's one of the best jazz singers in our generation today.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AJmKkU5POA
I believe that God works miracles with his creation.
I also believe that God knows me better than I know myself.
As I heard Michael belt about love and its wonders, I couldn't help but slowly start to smile.
Music has always been my passion in life, even since young.
God used it to touch me in ways I can never comprehend till this day.
He knew that music could change the way I feel about the situation I've been placed under.
He showed me that I had to turn to him, and not to my peers for any kind of comfort whatsoever.
He proved to me that he will never disappoint for he is my Heavenly Father.
He is my shield, my reward, my everything.
He's my best friend, and I don't need anyone else but Him.
So I will no longer be hurt over what man does to me.
For I know that my time on this ball of blue and green (and increasing amount of gray), is not long.
My time with Him is eternal, and I'll spend every minute of my life in this world serving Him.
In our 365 days of the year, and all the 52 weekends that we'll have,
we will have days where we feel horrible, depressed, and discouraged by others.
All we can really do is pray, and pray a bit more, then crank up that Michael Bublé on iTunes to the maximum, and without you realizing it, your back where you were with that trademark Ellen DeGeneres smile.
If that doesn't work for you?
Just have a good chocolate brownie.
With a scoop of ice cream.
All my love always,
April
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