summer is just around the corner

Guess what arrived at the door today...
Truly the highlight of my study break  house arrest so far
I haven't had good New Zealand strawberries since the summer of 2009!
Not to mention the weather is getting warmer and the days are so much longer.

You don't realise how much you miss a proper NZ summer until you experience it.
Hopefully I'll have a lot more to enjoy before I leave on my Malaysia/Singapore/Japan adventure this December...

One exam down, three more to go.
I feel like I've went up Mount Fuji twice in sitting that criminal law exam.
My stamina needs work.

Apologies for the whiny Taylor Swift blog posts as of late. Hopefully I'll learn to internalize my heartbroken thoughts to the point that they eventually fizzle into nothing-ness.

Back to normal blogging very soon!

All my love always,

April

thoughts at midnight

I had a dream the other night.

You, standing alone on the platform where we nearly said goodbye, the streetlights dancing all around us, an orange glow warming the cold winter air. 

I could hear nothing but the sound of my own sobbing, my endless nonsensical bargaining, and the learned helplessness sinking in as I realise that this is really, our last goodbye.

You were not what I wanted. Not really. 

But my love for you was stubborn and I couldn't seem to let you go.

The one thing I know is that I would have done, and I would do anything for you. 

Perhaps the distance destroyed us, but I know one thing for sure is that my love for you was the only thing that held us together for so long. 

And it takes two kinds of love. 

No matter how great one's heart may be. 

In my dream I refused to accept this truth. 

The train bell sounds and I know. It's now or never. 

I jump onto the platform, giving everything away just so I can be with you. 

Some people yearn for success, fame, an accomplished career. 

But all I've ever wanted is to love someone with all my heart, to truly say "I love you" and mean every, single, word.  

You don't help me up the platform. 

You stand there and you watch the horizon. 

Indifferent to the burning platform, indifferent to my efforts to try and love you. 

As I try to embrace you, you push me and walk away. 

My skin burns from the heat of the flames, mocking my stupidity for believing that you actually care.

But still, I run after you, begging for you to turn around and look at me. 

Look at what you're doing to me.

Then, as you drift further and further away, happy to escape our delusional fairy tale, it dawns on me.

You're fine in the fire. 

::::::::

The scary thing about dreams is that though 99% of the time they mean anything, there is a small likelihood that it reflects the future.

And truth be told. 

I had this dream long before I fought for you a second time.

And when I saw you for the last time, cycling up to meet me in the sticky night air, this dream flashed before my eyes like a warning sign.

But love blinded me, and I ignored it. 

I hoped my love for you would forever bind us together. 

I'm still in love with you, but that's okay. I'm not ashamed of how much I loved and love you. 

I know that one day, I'll pull myself out of the fire.

I'll get back on that train, and in due time, I will stop being sorry that this one-sided relationship ended.

And I'll sing these words with profound meaning:

I'm not sorry that I met you.

I'm not sorry that it's over.

I'm not sorry that there's nothing to save.

Just not tonight. 

Disclaimer: 

I'll eventually stop Dear Diary-ing the shit out of this blog.

Eventually.

April 

email etiquette: what not to do.

Despite applying for work visa's and accommodation, my inbox has been quite empty lately.
It's quite sad- I was so used to checking it every day but now?
I don't think it matters all too much if I don't.

Anyway, I just received an email from my manager in Japanese, detailing my monthly income and the accommodation. Maybe it's the lack of practice, or something, but I've never felt more embarrassed to use the internet in my life than I do now.

The following is an accurate (and unfortunate) translated series of emails:

His email:

Hi April,
Global Property will be paying your monthly rent! Not to worry.
Your income will be X amount.
What apartment would you like? Close to Ginza? Or somewhere a bit closer to where I stay?

And my reply went down like this:

Hi,
Will I be paying my own rent?
I think I'd like to stay somewhere close to where I work. Ginza sounds fine.
But if its too expensive, I don't think I'll be able to afford it. 

And I "accidentally" press send.

So I send another email (making even more of a dick of myself) going:

Hi,
Sorry about that. The email just sent by itself! 

I was about to ask in my previous email about the electricity and internet bills.
Are they included in the rent package? 

April 

I proceed to exit my browser.

A minute later, I open up my email again thinking that I'd get a reply.
Because we all know that any any email sent via Gmail will command a reply straight away.

I read his email again.
This time, carefully and slowly.
And then it dawns on me. I am such a dick.

I know I have to send another email to apologise for being temporarily illiterate. But do Japanese people even allow for such petty mistakes?
If I didn't own up however, I'd make even more of a dick of myself (if that's even remotely possible given my inability to make good life decisions thus far) and risk losing any ounce of respect my manager has for me.

So instead of writing up an essay about the law of omissions for my Criminal law revision study, I replay all the infinite combinations of email replies. And now I take my first world problems to the blog.
Let this blog be a reminder to those who send emails to future employers. Do not follow in my footsteps.

Hopefully my third time's a charm.
I'm going to stop sending emails for a while now.

Will probably come up with an appropriate apology email by tomorrow morning.

Lesson for today? Please, please PLEASE read the email you're replying to carefully, slowly, and with excruciating detail. When you think you've understood everything, read it again.
And again.

Because once you hit send, you can never take that email back.

Well, unless you install that Gmail email application that allows you to retrieve emails back even after you've hit send.

Gmail. Helping us all save face, one email at a time.

All my love always,

April