home isn't so sweet

in this case, I think my sad face is making everyone else miserable too.

 "There's no place like home"
Who was the idiot that invented that quote, seriously?

I can light him/her/they on fire.
Repeatedly.
Filming it too, and editing it to play against the background music of High School Musical or something even more humiliating that has ever graced our generation's media.

There's no place like home because home is hell right now.

Where is home?
"home is where the heart is"

...then why the heck am I not there yet?

I've been back in New Zealand for what, four, five days now?
Am not settling in as well as I had hoped to settle.
I've been struggling with everything from the lack of choice in university to the huger lack of what I want to study being available.
I am also rather aware of all the social obligations one must fulfill on this awful exchange experience in New Zealand.

The only people that I should get along with swimmingly, I am fighting with everyday.
My family and I are in a place of total darkness and it's all my ungrateful bitchy fault.
Whatever though.
I may sound like a total selfish and petty idiot on the internet that may prevent me from ever getting a job in the future,
but I really don't think I have the energy to give a fuck at present.

Bottled up anger is the worst kind of anger.
It's my fault for not blogging three times a day since my arrival because I've just pushed all my emotions down.
The re-entry culture shock is kicking in like crazy, and I find myself being unable to sleep at night, because I miss what I knew.
I miss the familiarity and love of Japan, although my earlier blogs last April would contradict that rather well.

I am the cause of all the grief that my parents and brother are currently undergoing on my part, so why not leave?
Why not start afresh, and let everyone move on?
There is no place like home, because it's apparent that I don't have one.

Re-entry culture shock you guys, it's not a myth.
I sound like that ad on TV for secondhand smoke.
"Smoking kills. It's not a myth"
Except mine is probably less acknowledged.

We are all aware of culture shock.
You bitch about it, but you adjust.
What you don't realize is reverse culture shock, which hits you like a huge wave, and you end up lashing out at everyone because you are so confused as to why you are 'home', but do not feel welcomed whatsoever.

You aren't used to your family's habits, and you forget how to communicate with one another.
I for one, was terrible at contacting my family while abroad.
My host family's internet being a large fault of that, (no wifi, LAN cable, and only two hours a day), also because of my busy schedules in Japan, I lost contact with many of my friends and family.
My best friends however, were patient, and after two meets with my friend of now 4 years, I can say that our friendship has gotten stronger despite my absence for 10 months.

My family and I are struggling, if not failing to find common ground.
Them coming to Japan was fun and all but it made me realize how impatient I was with them.
I don't know why, but I guess it's because it seems that one would compare your own experiences and changes with the other, and consider it...somewhat less significant in contrast to the mere situation you are in; you are in Japan. 

That may seem awfully narcissistic of me to conclude, but I strongly believe that that is one of the many reasons why one would struggle with re-entry culture shock.
You have your amazing tales of your adventures in Japan...and they wouldn't somehow understand completely.
They then try and share the stories of who broke up with who, and where, and why, perhaps.
Or how about those stories about someone's new house, or a new car.
You then feel indifferent to these trivial tales.
After all; you've been ABROAD, and have been pursuing your dreams for a total of 10 months.
And what's been happening at home?
Nothing, you decide. Absolutely nothing.
How can you expect them to understand though? It's Japan, and they weren't there with you to experience what you went through.
Therefore triggering the first prominent and unwanted feeling of reverse culture shock; disengagement. 
Ladies and Gentlemen, when you feel disengaged with your own family, that's when you know the shit has totally hit the fan, and the arguments and raised voices are not far along.

After feeling disengaged, one would then start criticizing everything wrong with their 'home' country.
I think I started feeling disengaged a long time ago, when the relationships I found back home starting to weaken, and the further I pushed everyone away because of the fear I had/have in me, I started to build a hatred for my 'home' country.
You criticize. A lot.
On the plane ride over, I was extremely bitter about the situation in New Zealand, and due to my lack of inner monologue; I assume that the many kiwi passengers on the plane have listed my name in their little black books already.
I took stabs at everything from the government, to the sheer amount of asians in this country.
I'M AN ASIAN!
I'm a huge liability for my own race.
According to my brother, so is my blog, but I do not have any plans on deleting my blog. =/

Conformity: It's the one who is different that gets left out in the cold. Oh Penguin; I know how you feel.

Reverse Culture Shock. It's not a myth.
I've managed to destroy and blow up in my own family's face for no other reason that I just hate the fact that I'm 'home'. 
It's so difficult to adjust. 
You hear stories about how everyone finds it difficult to adjust, but manage to within a week or so.
Why do I feel like I'm never going to find happiness and peace with my family and country?
I even hate the university I'm about to enroll in.

Wow.
I should write and illustrate children's books, shouldn't I.
Shape the future generation.
I'd be legendary.

On the other hand, there are things comforting about home.
I just can't seem to remind myself enough about these comforts, and am forever stuck in a mental state of being unsatisfied with everything I have.
Maybe it'll get better.
For now, I'm extremely wrung out.
Apparently selfish, ungrateful, and irrational too.

So despite everything, thanks for sticking by me.
I love blogging and although many job opportunities may be in vain because of the mountain of idiotic comments I make in my entries;
they are idiotic comments in which I will treasure forever, and look back and say, "man, I was an idiot!"

IdioticComment from one of my blog posts last year..
"I am a viciously emotionally charged person."


And I wonder why I feel lonely at night. ;p

all my love always,

April

i don't know

[written on the plane ride home]

You know the funny thing about planes?

Nothing.

I hate planes.

I used to love it when I was a kid.

“look it’s a TV installed in the back of the seat”

“yay, food!”

“oh what a cute tiny bathroom!”

Now its more like I have a laptop, I acquired tastebuds, and I cannot help but cringe everytime I have to flush because I’m afraid I’ll get sucked out along with it.

However, if that was to happen; I would definitely know where I’d want to end up. J

You get many different sort of travelers.

Couples, single people, families, business men.

The amusing ones are obviously the single people.

Right now sitting in front of me are two people trying to get to know each other.

Dude clearly wants to get in the chick’s pants, but she ‘just got out of a long distance relationship’.

However, judging by the content of what she’s currently saying/suggesting to do, she’s quiiiiite ready to move on.

Getting to know someone that might potentially be your everything is exciting and nerve-racking.

In this case; nerve racking. :P

They are failing quite frankly, because their conversation consists of mainly trying to confirm what the other said due to the air pressure and noise pollution.

Quite cute also, because their conversation involves Sesame Street.

Was that somewhat a breach of privacy?

Whatever. I’m tired, I really cannot be arsed thinking if this is appropriate airplane behavior conduct or not.

Stop. Judging.

Sleep seriously eludes me.

It’s currently 10:17pm at night.

I’m on a flight from Hong Kong to Auckland, and landing in approximately five hours.

The only reason I’m writing this blog is because I can’t sleep at all.

Physical reasons being that it’s economy class, I’m stuck in between two people, and I feel slightly nauseous.

However these factors come with flying in airplanes, and it’s never really stopped me from drifting off to sleep before.

Emotional reasons being I really, just do NOT want to be where I am right now.

Hence why I am sleepy, and exhausted, but cannot fall asleep.

I don’t even know how I managed to pack everything.

I don’t know WHY I packed everything.

I don’t want to leave, so why the hell did I leave?

It’s quite frustrating knowing that I’m going back to what I’m supposedly meant to know as ‘home’, although I really do feel like I should just be a pirate and roam the seas.

I don’t feel like I have a home.
I don’t feel like I have a family, either.

For one, I’ve changed so much that I feel torn apart from everything I knew back ‘home’.

I know that I’ll probably have to make new friends, because everyone’s expecting the old April to walk through those arrival gates at the Auckland airport.

Unfortunately; I don’t think that old April exists anymore.

She slowly started to fade away come the start of my exchange.

Not that I’m no longer silly, or not that I’m no longer…me.

I just view the world differently; I view it through a new set of eyes, and I know that reactions following up to this change will not be good.

I’m going to suffer from major jet lag.

Despite it being only a 4 hour difference between Japan and New Zealand, I haven’t slept since two nights ago, and I look like a psychotic mofo. With pigtails to match.

My host mom sent me off at the airport, and my host sister drove us to the station.

After crying twice at 4AM in the morning, one gets emotionally drained.

Excluding the fact that I really did not, and do not wish to end my studies in Japan,

I feel like I’m saying goodbye to all the things I once knew.

I already miss the sound of the Japanese language around me.

That’s crazy to think that I’d miss that, but I do.

I think I’d be content, and quite blissful knowing that I wasn’t going directly home to New Zealand.

I feel like I’ve had such an experience in Japan that it’s time for some rewind down time.

Perhaps going to another country for two weeks or so, and just relax.

By myself.

Detaching myself from Facebook, and blogging, and all that.

Just clear my head, and absorb the reality of going to a university I do not want to attend, and studying something I do not find interesting whatsoever.

That’s a whole lot of shit to absorb, and heck if it takes me more than two weeks.

The first thing I want to do when I get home is sleep.

Lots of it, and hopefully it’ll come to me.

John Mayer on my old computer back home, and just sleep.

I’m heavily preparing myself for re-entry culture shock, because I already received it via trusty facebook many times going over many conversations I’ve had with various people. 

Sleep is not an option because I have to go and see friends of family that I can barely remember the names of.

Whatever.

I’ll probably get comments about the weight I’ve gained.

The shitty skin my face currently wears.

It’s okay though; more motivation to get out of New Zealand come next year, right? J

A new start is what I need.

I had a new start in Japan, and it was so refreshing being just the me that I always wanted to be.

No expectations, no rules.

Maybe I’m just psyching myself out.

Maybe, its not so bad.

Or maybe I should just stop lying to myself because reality is looming, and approaching in the next few hours to come.

How does Canada sound? :P

I am not too keen on having two summers in a year.

I want my snowy winter back; and maybe going to neck-deep-in-snow Canada is just what I need right now.

Does it sicken you that when I think of ‘national anthem’, I think of the Canadian national anthem?

In fact; I like it.

“ohhhhh cannnnaaadaaaaaaa….”

I’m New Zealand’s worst nightmare.

I wonder what it’s going to be like.

Going back to my old room, to my piano, to…I don’t know what to.

I don’t know, and I guess the uncertainty has been eating at me so much that I am freaking out more than I should.

However; ask anyone that has been on exchange to Japan…

And I can guarantee you, that no one, ever, wants to return ‘home’.

All my love always,

April. .

Cheers Japan!

This is going to be my last official blog post here in the land of Japan.

Japan, you have been my worst enemy and my best friend.

You have thrown at me some of the worst situations anyone can possibly ask for, and you have also blessed me with many new friends that will remain mine forever.

Thank you Japan, and after all the struggles I’ve been through, I can honestly say that you’ve made me a stronger, and happier person.

THANK YOU!

 This blog I want to dedicate to all the special people I’ve met during my exchange that have made a huge impact on my part.

Being an exchange student is fun, no doubt.

It can get lonely, and without the right people there to support you, you can drown in your own self pity.

I for one can definitely vouch for that.

I can probably give lectures on how to feel sorry for yourself.

I’m that good.

the gorgeous cherry blossoms that welcomed me into Japan!

 Initially at the start of my exchange I came to Japan very scared, and confused.

Why did I come to Japan? To learn Japanese.

You pack all your bags, and when you step out into Shinjuku (by the way, I notice that everyone goes to Shinjuku come the start of their exchange… I wonder why that is..), and you take it all in.

The buildings, the people.

The vast amount of items that you can waste money on.

You realize that the Japanese people love to buy things they don’t need.

Hence their very wealthy economy.

You start to understand the gravity of how much your current level of Japanese sucks.

Then; the motivation kicks in.

You want to learn. You want to communicate.

And the minute you realize you can converse with just about anyone on any topic?

It’s the greatest feeling in the world.

It was around June when I acquired all the communication skills I needed to survive in Japan.

My exchange company, after grueling me in counseling sessions, had really upped my vocabulary by a mile, and I had learnt how to express my own opinion despite Japanese society forbidding me to do so.

I also realized that I could sit for not N3, but N2 with the level of Japanese I managed to improve to.

It’s nice knowing that although you weren’t born with the tongue to speak Japanese; being in the environment itself can enable you to do so.

It’s one of those things that make me realize that we humans are awesome. =]

I’m glad I came to Japan because the way I see everything now has changed.

My beliefs, my morals, the way I see the world, the way I choose my friends; it has all changed drastically, and I love myself for it.

In one’s exchange you support each other through thick and thin, be it that you are from America, Canada, England, or France; you support one another because you need it.

So thank you to all of you that have supported me, and I hope that I have done the same for you in your time of trouble.

Writing this blog is so hard for me, because I have a box of tissues to my left and a barking Chihuahua to my right that is somehow trying to eat my keyboard.

I can’t help but cry knowing that I’m leaving Japan.

I feel like I’m saying goodbye to each and every one of you again although you’ve already left for home.

The first part of my exchange was a tough one.

These people have really helped me through it all; so thank you!   

I miss you all dearly. =]

If your picture shows up on this blog; know that you have made a huge impact on my exchange!

Most of you probably already know why; so I don’t think I need to dedicate a single blog to each and every one of you.

(although some of you have that privilege and should stop complaining that I don’t mention you in any of my blogs.)

This blog is also going to show moments in my exchange in which I reminisce about.

I miss you all so much :( Come see me off at the airport or something.

Why is New Zealand so inconveniently located at the bottom of planet earth! :(

Asya; when you left for home, I realized how much saying goodbye to someone you love hurts. I miss you till this day, and I hope we get a chance to see each other again in the future. Say Hi to the Phantom for me :P Or a slap. Whichever is conveninent!

Dona; without you, I wouldn't have survived that family. Thanks for always supporting me even till today! I'll come visit you in Belgium soon! :D

kat is actually my saviour here in Japan. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have known my current host family! Thank you Kat!

you were such a great senpai Lisa! Miss you =]

Emma and I singing at Karaoke...

The coolest kid from Australia. Ot the ONLY cool kid from Australia ;p

i miss you Emma！Email me your results for N2!

These pictures are during summer vacation =] Best vacation anyone can ever ask for :)
 I hung out with the most annoying British boy for all of vacation,
and we even went to Osaka together!!

ラブラブラブ：Ｐ

Bye Ralph and Kuma!　育っているのをおつかれ！！

かもの高さ知っている？It was so much fun being obnoxious gaijin in Osaka <3 Must do it again sometime!

After this idiot went home, I was really lonely..

Depressed even. :P

But I realized how important it was to treasure all your relationships;

and thanks for showing me what a real relationship is ;)

To master the art of being an obnoxious idiot in Japan, please contact Olivia Alexander and April Wong. :D

although Japan proved to be stressful at times..we still made it fun no matter what :D

love all the exchange students at my school! Manon, Caroline, Viola! Take Care! Be good senpai for the new suckers!

to all the girls in my class; you are all such cuties <3 I love you! また日本に戻ってきたらぜひ会いましょう！

this is one of the best photos I've ever taken in Japan. Ghibli Musuem; I've yet to blog about you, but when I do! :P

miho! Thanks so much for everything <3 英語の勉強がんばって！

to the first Japanese friends I made :)

to ones that I've grown so close to...

last but not least...

to Airi, my lovely host sister

host dad, and host mom...

本当に、今までありがとうございます！

色んな場所連れて行ったり、日本人の優しさも分かったり。。

ＮＺまでに帰ってもみんなのこと絶対忘れないです。

皆のおかげで、日本のこともすごく大好きになった。

「ありがとう」って何回言っても足りないです。

  I hope I see all of you again. Miss you, and cheers for giving me one of the best exchanges anyone can ever ask for.

Love you all,

And おつかれさまでした！！！！！

エイプリル

scared to leave japan

[written 24th January 11:30pm]

Today was one of the most loneliest days of my exchange- ever.

Ｏｌｉｖｉａ！！！！　I'm going to missssssss you!!!!!

 I went to go say goodbye to one of the best friends I’ll ever have, and watching her wave goodbye as the train door closes; I realize something.

I am a bloody masochist.

Seriously; it’s like I want to get hurt.

never forget your favorite kiwi girl! <3

 I put myself in these situations where I know I’ll feel shit; and I do it anyway.

Seeing someone off at the airport, or a train station; and allowing yourself to watch loved ones walk away from you, with that clear uncertainty of whether you’ll ever see each other again loom annoyingly above your head…is all but shit.

crazy lines for the yamanote headed for shibuya!

 After I say goodbye to her, I tried my best to hold it in but the tears rolled down my stupid face as if my imaginary dog had died or something;

And I looked at the pages of the scrapbook she made me over and over again in a train headed for Shibuya while many passengers looked at me with utter disgust.

Thanks Japan.

Getting off at Shibuya; I realize it was my last time there ever.

I decided to walk around all the shops by myself and reminisce about all the times I’ve hung out with friends here after school.

I seriously miss all of you so much already.

Leaving Japan is closing a huge chapter in my life, and to be honest; I don’t think I’m ready to start a new phase in my life just yet.

It’s been mentally and emotionally draining to say goodbye to people, and with all the stress of just leaving Japan and re-entering New Zealand; all I wanna do is buy a plane ticket to somewhere I’ve never been before and relax.

I bonded with the Disney Store and Loft in Shibuya and bought last minute oh-shit-i-didn’t-get-anything-for-X-person gifts for back home.

It’s part of the deal.

If you are born an Asian, whenever you go on holiday, or if you are going to someone’s house, you bring a gift.

And the nicer it’s wrapped; the better.

Screw the fact that you barely know the person; you better bring a bloody gift or you have absolutely no shame.

So a lot of money spent later, the whopping total of 13kg worth of presents is bought and packed into my red polka dot wheelie luggage.

With my wheelie bag gone; I’ve resorted to stuff all my remaining items into huge tote bags, and maybe even sending half of the things I have by post.

I have no money left; and the economy isn’t helping me with that either.

I’m literally a day away from going to Narita, and saying goodbye to this place that I can somehow call home.

I’m not packed, I’m not ready, and the zits on my face is my body’s way of complaining about the stress I’m going through.

I think every kid goes through this though.

You live here for a year, so you don’t exactly think, ‘gee, how am I going to bring this back?’

Because you have your own room, you start to live a life where you don’t think about home because what you already know in the present is home.

If we all lived by the concept of check in luggage is only 20 kg, and carry on is only 7kg, the economy would collapse.

In the long run; no one would ever be in debt because you can only afford to buy what you need; and not that you want.

Tomorrow is my last full day in Tokyo.

I’m spending it with my host family from two years ago; talk about going backwards, huh?

During the day, I will spend it with them and say my goodbyes, and then I’ll have my last dinner together with my host mom, dad, and sister.

Giving them a huge wooden photo frame with photos of us during vacation at dinner today, I knew that somehow they would miss me just as much as I’d miss them.

Not meaning to sound conceited or anything; but I feel like they are my own family.

Although they wouldn’t do things that my mom or dad would do for me because we are not of the same blood; they treat me as if I’m their own already.

just half of the crap i'm carrying on board...

I currently have a check in luggage that weighs god knows what, a check in that weighs 13kg, a huge tote bag that weighs 11, a box that’s 10kg, a computer bag that weighs 5kg, and a handbag that weighs 6kg.

If only I was an octopus.

Not only so that I can hug you with all eight arms, but have the ability to take my entire crap home with me without stopping every 10 steps to catch my breath.

I had to return my school uniform to school today, and trust me when I say the Japanese school uniform triples in amount and size and weight in comparison to that of a normal New Zealand uniform.

It weighed a total of 10 kg, and by the time I got to school, I was exhausted and so tired of climbing up and down stairs for a good two hours.

I wonder how I’m going to survive with all the crap I somehow brought along with me, and now face the responsibility of taking home too.

I’m actually really freaked out.

I don’t think I belong anywhere; really.

Can’t I just be a pirate and wonder the open seas?

I have a new love for sashimi anyway.

I could just pack a lifetime supply of wasabi and soy sauce and I’m good to go.

Or could I maybe just go somewhere else?

I want to go somewhere…where no one knows who I am.

Because that way I can be myself without being compared to the old April.

The April that doesn’t seem to exist anymore.

I look at photos from last year during the start of my exchange and I look so different.

So innocent, and happy; despite the wiener loving host mom trying to kill me every chance she gets.

What happened? I think I grew up.

My host mom even pointed out to me today.

“Do you know how strong you’ve become? From when I first met you in May last year till now; you are a completely different person. I love the girl you are now; but if people in New Zealand don’t, do not be surprised.”

Yeah, I won’t be surprised; because I’m already expecting many people back home to dislike the April I’ve become.

Change isn’t bad, I don’t think. It’s just different.

 I don’t want to go back to New Zealand.

I do, and and I don’t.

It’s the weirdest feeling in the world; and truth be told; nothing is keeping me back here in Japan.

However; nothing seems to be pulling me towards New Zealand either.

So I’m heavily leaning towards this pirate idea here.

:P

I’m so glad I’ve blogged my way through this exchange.

It’s given me such insight to how much I’ve grown.
I read back on my blogs back in June and July and wonder how the hell I managed to get out of those situations, and I compare then to now and I laugh.

I laugh because back then I would have never guessed I would be here right now, struggling to pack for home, NOT wanting to leave home, and actually reluctant to leave the people I now call my own family.

I laugh, because I was so unsure back then of the future; when I should have just learnt quicker to have fun in the present.

I laugh, because little did I know that the host family drama was only a little bump in my exchange journey; because the real battles I’ve gone through so far are the ones I’ve had with myself.

It’s raining now in Tokyo.

I once said in a blog somewhere, that if the rain could wash all the hurt away, I wanted it to flood.

However I realize now that if not for the hurt, if not for the tears shed, if not for all the lonely nights here in Tokyo, would I not appreciate all the fun times.

For on this earth, with joy comes sorrow, and in order to appreciate joy, one must have sorrow.

One of the great lessons I’ve learnt in my exchange for myself, and somehow was reminded of today.

So tomorrow, there will be tears, as I realize that I’m no longer going to be in Japan anymore.

But so far, so good.

Wish me luck, because I’m really freaking out. :P

All my love always,

April

saying my goodbyes

byeeee everyone!!! I'll miss you guys dearly <3

The last two days have been blurred into one huge emotional, bittersweet memory.

It feels like such a long time ago, and it was only yesterday that I said goodbye to all my classmates and teachers.

Yesterday was my last day of school in Japan.

No more screaming girls, no more sleeping on desks, and no more crazy strict teachers.

I’m actually going to miss it. =]

momoko, me, haruka, eri =] おろちゃんポーズ！

On Friday I only went to school for lunch, and the minute I walked into my classroom, I realized that it was a party for me.

The classroom was decorated so that everyone could actually sit around and eat together, and my name was scribbled on the board in pretty various chalk colors.

It’s actually my first ever surprise party.

And verdict? I love surprise parties. XD

It was so flattering that they would go to all the trouble of doing this for me, and the girls even resorted to buying crackers and pulling them all over me as they shout “WE LOVE YOU APRIL!!! DON’T LEAVE FOR NEW ZEALAND!” (in Japanese.)

Initially I found it a bit challenging to make friends with the girls but as time passed by I got along with each and every one of them, and I never found a single lunchtime in which I would sit alone and eat.

I have about six or seven really great friends in my class alone, and many more in the other classes that also contributed to my two-day farewell party.

the scrapbook <3

that's kinda amazing; admit it.

The girls made me a scrapbook of all the memories we have created together, and they even went out onto the field to do a huge human pose of the words “THANK U”. 

They chipped in to also buy a big book board thing, and they all wrote their little messages to me within it.

It was so sweet, and I felt terrible for only writing them each individual letters because clearly theirs took much more effort in general.

When I first came to Japan, Haru, Eri, and Erisa took me out to do my first purikura.

After my farewell party on Friday, we did the exact same thing; except that it was my last purikura with the girls from my school.

It was so natsukashii (familiar?...melancholy?) and we all cried after the purikura session was done.

These three girls have made my exchange so much fun, and I wish I can spend more time with them but New Zealand is stealing me away in exactly two more days.

The girls from outside my class, I usually hang out with during lunchtimes.

Miho baked me a cake! An entire cake, with my name on it too.

I’m going to miss her so much- she’s one of my best friends here in Japan.

Maki and her friends were going to throw me a sayonara/bye bye party on Friday but my class had a surprise party for me instead.

So we ended up doing it yesterday, combined with a second party that my class threw for me as well.

Maki and her friends also bought presents for me, letters, and they each wrote a little note on a huge heart-shaped card for me to bring back to New Zealand.

I wrote my teachers letters too, and before I left for a karaoke session with all the exchange kids after school yesterday, the principal came into my class to hand me my transcript and gave a little speech about how I wasn’t really an exchange student anymore, but a Japanese high school student.

I wonder if it’s because I’m asian, or because my Japanese has improved to that of a native.

Let’s hope it’s the latter yeah? 

caroline and viola =]

 When Lisa and Asya left for home last year in June, we all went to karaoke.

It started a tradition amongst the Shinagawa Girls High School’s exchange students.

Whenever someone leaves for home, we all go karaoke.

Never did I realize that we would be going karaoke for my departure.

Olivia and I are leaving really soon, and I’m hopefully going to say goodbye to Olivia at the airport tomorrow.

I’m going to leave on Wednesday morning, and I’m not packed, and not ready to go.

Am I horrible person?

I think Japan has made me a cold person.

I didn’t cry during my farewell parties at all, and although the girls were bawling their eyes out, all I did was hug them and tell them I’d miss them.

But I didn’t cry.

Not until the purikura, and before I went to sleep.

The girls messaged me asking if the party was okay; because I didn’t seem 感動 (touched) by their efforts.

I felt even shittier, and proceeded to explain that I loved their gifts, and am very touched, even if it doesn’t show on my face.

I think the shock of my leaving Japan forever is starting to kick in.

It’s causing me to delay packing, and listening to “leaving on a jet plane” over and over again.

Yesterday was one of the best, and most fun days of my exchange.

The exchange girls and I had so much fun being stupid in karaoke, in the arcade, and then in the busy streets of Shibuya.

Shibuya must really hate my guts for being an obnoxious foreign exchange student that somehow looks Japanese, but I can only be an obnoxious foreigner for two more days.

I’m going to take every opportunity I can get to be loud and stupid. :P

You know what I’m going to miss?

Using the gaijin card.

The beautiful excuse in which you say “what, huh? No, sorry I don’t understand” when someone is trying to get you to do something you can’t be arsed to do.

If you do not agree with something a Japanese person says; all you really have to do is say you don’t understand.

I can’t do this back in New Zealand because there is no language barrier.

In Japan, there is no longer a language barrier but I definitely feel that it’s totally fine to pretend like there is to get your way n this country. ;p

the night view <3

 After karaoke, my host family takes me to Ginza/Shiodome to celebrate my leaving Japan.

They brought me up a huge tower that overlooked all of Tokyo, and we had dinner atop this wonderful building, surrounded by the skyline that I’m going to dearly miss.

Tokyo Tower was to my right, and the Mori Tower was to my left.

The Rainbow Bridge could be seen as well, and Tokyo seemed calm despite all the chaos you know is happening down below.

It’s all the lasts’ that are happening to me this week.

Last Sunday in Japan, last day of school, last day of being in X place ever…

I just can’t believe it’s going by so fast.

Two more days till I’m on a plane?

Since when?

It was totally the end of summer vacation a week ago. =/

One thing I won’t miss about Tokyo is how time seems to be stolen away from you.

Time just goes by so fast in Tokyo.

It goes away in all the traveling you have to do, and by the time you come home you realize it’s nearly time for bed.

Speaking about bedtime.

The first thing I’m going to do when I step foot on kiwi ground??

Sleep.

Just sleep for the whole day, and then unpack in the middle of the night.

I miss my sleep, my bed, and the ability not to feel tired after climbing a flight of stairs.

All my love always,

April