asakusa in autumn

Asakusa on a Sunday!

I remember coming to Asakusa two years ago with my high school on a trip.
Two years later, I decided to go again yesterday , to...study, for the upcoming N2 exam.
It helped me remember all my grammar points, and my reading speed has also escalated as a result of being the most typical gaijin in all of Japan and taking photos of everything and anything.

I love it how the man in the background looks so disapproving of me! XD

Asakusa is one of the most tourist-y spots you can go to here in Tokyo.
There's a temple in which you can get your fortune told, and you can make wishes for 5 yen or less in the hopes that it would come true. (unfortunately, they never do.)
It's also a place where Japanese people and tourists alike come to shop for souvenirs and Japanese traditional items.

I told myself that I'd only come to Asakusa before I went back to New Zealand to buy gifts for friends and whatnot but a friend suggested we go; and going was a refreshing change other than staring at a textbook for hours and only digesting one grammar point despite the million that are written on the page.

the crowd at Asakusa.. don't go on a weekend. XD

gorgeous fall leaves in November, Tokyo. =]

The weather was amazing yesterday as well; not a cloud in the sky, and not to mention that autumn is gorgeous here in Japan!
The leaves were turning gold/orange/yellow and when the wind blew, all the leaves would get tangled in your hair.

Can I just say that autumn is one of the prettiest seasons I've seen here in Japan?
The sakura is just as beautiful but to see all the trees slowly turning orange and yellow in contrast to the grey buildings that surround it is a nice reminder that Tokyo can still be ...human. :)

The trees on my way home from school

Autumn leaves here in Japan are gorgeous.
I've never seen such beautiful autumn leaves.
In New Zealand the trees don't really turn orange/yellow in the fall because our native trees stay green all year round.
There is the occasional tree that turns orange/yellow but in comparison to what I saw today; it was definitely a different view altogether.
Sometimes they would also fly in your face; but gotta love every bit of nature.
Even when it proves inconsiderate. :)

introducing only half of "Sky Three", the new skyscraper that would beat Tokyo Tower's ass come next year in June.

It was all in all, an extremely eventful day in which I spent less than I'd usually spend in places such as Shibuya/Shinjuku.
I bought a little bag at this little store in Asakusa; had a conversation with a woman who was surprised that I was an exchange student because 'of your Japanese face'.
WHAT is up with Japanese people thinking that I look Japanese? I don't!
Yes, I am Asian; but that doesn't mean that I'm Japanese.
It's a compliment, mind you; just a bit annoying at times when the surprised tone of voice comes on.
「まじで？！うっそ！でもアジアな顔なんですが。。そうしたらどこから来ましたか？」
"Seriously? Lies! XD You have an Asian face though...Where are you from then?"

And when I reply that I'm from New Zealand, the usual reply would be "I didn't know New Zealand was an Asian country!"
Then I would explain that I'm from Malaysia, but migrated to New Zealand when I was 8.
It's like giving a short autobiography on who I am to overly-friendly Japanese sales ladies and men whom are trying to be nice to the pathetic gaijin tachi. (foreign people)

In less than a week, I hope to rape N2 of all it's pride.

The last time I went to Asakusa this year was to go to a fireworks festival which was surprisingly disappointing in comparison to the other fireworks festivals that the Japanese claim to pale in comparison.
However; i think the other fireworks festivals that I went to were with livelier company; not to mention we had a better viewing spot.
I went to the Asakusa Fireworks Festival this year with my host family and although we watched the fireworks from a rooftop; the wind blew all the smoke from the fireworks in our direction;
thus preventing a potentially great viewing experience.
However, yakisoba made up for that quite nicely! :)

今から、頑張ります！合格するますよに。。。

Hopefully I'll get back to my studying after I publish this blog, and upload a few photos to Facebook.
I cannot wait for the 5th of December to be over.
Although I have tests at school after that; I'm not too worried because the proficiency test matters to me more than an 'end of term' exam in which I write mini essays on what I'd do if I won the lottery.

Today at school I was reminded about the genuine friendliness of Kiwi people.
I haven't heard the Kiwi accent in so long; and to hear a kiwi person just say "You're from Auckland? Rangitoto College? That's a great school! Do you want a hug? You look like you need a hug. They don't hug people here in Japan."
It was so comforting to remember how friendly and happy everyone is back in Kiwiland.
Although I've been saying all this while that I don't want to go home;
I still think there's always going to be a part of me that wants to go home because I'll be normal again.

the irony in which a European mannequin adorns a Japanese kimono.

I think that when I go back to New Zealand, I can be certain about a few things.
There wouldn't be any discrimination on my part just because I look Japanese, and not European.
There wouldn't be any awkwardness on the trains when I do something 'gaijin', and get murder looks from disapproving Japanese men when I whip out a Kanji Drill book designed for elementary school children.

I enjoy school to a certain extent but sometimes I feel that it's a bit unfair in which the Japanese girls treat me differently to how they treat the other exchange girls in my school.
I guess it's safe to say that they are treated with more respect, and admiration, almost.
I love the friends I've made in school; but all in all, my class isn't exactly the most considerate bunch of people you'd meet.
Not to mention the teachers at my school.
Some of them forget I'm an exchange student,
and they seem to only use me for speech-giving, and translation purposes.

It's okay though, really.
What more can I expect?
Lately there's been a bit of discrimination going on,
but I've only two more months left here in Japan;
so I'm not going to let it affect me the way it did back when I first came.

the little cats that sit on the sushi counters all over the world; and now you can get them here!

these cats are ridiculously cute. =]

That's another thing.
Discrimination affected me so much when I first came to Japan because I was still so...soft, I guess, is the word you can describe me back in April.
I was so..'soft', or just a baby, really, because discrimination in New Zealand is highly frowned upon.
Race didn't matter as much, because everyone connected a level deeper than the color of your skin, or the size of your eyes, or your figure.

So it'll be really nice to get back to New Zealand and have a normal conversation with the person that is scanning your fruit and chocolate over the supermarket counter.
Speaking of which; no one does that here in Japan.
No hugging, no speaking...
I guess I forgot all about how...open, I used to be because I've been here for so long but meeting those Kiwi girls today reminded me.
And I'm glad I remember.


All my love always,

April

The April Project

I made a total of 623 flash cards today.
Not sure if that's a good amount.
I fell asleep on my laptop a fair amount during though.
Drool and everything on the keyboard; needless to say I'm glad I am still able to type on this keyboard without the keys being all jammed up like the time I spilled strawberry yogurt on it.

A total of 623 cards, with words written both back and front.
So if you really wanna get technical, I made 1246 cards today.
I'm supposed to make a total of 1000 cards today though, so I'm going to pull an all nighter.
Is it Monday tomorrow?
Oh it's Monday tomorrow. =/

The day of my test is approaching near.
The 5th of December.
I don't think I'm ready. I think I need a whole year to study for this test.
2 months is rather...short.
I don't know how one crams over 200 different Grammar Points, 2000Kanji Characters and 10,000 Vocab Expressions in two months.
Apparently I've done most of the work though- in these past two months.

All that waits for me right now are the past exam papers that I will have to plow through and attempt to pass in the first go.
Let's not forget all the memorizing I have yet to do.
There's apparently a iPod Touch Application I can download but they all cost money.
If only I had a credit card.

Therefore I am stuck with just drill books for the time being, or lugging my laptop to Starbucks to 'study'.
I study, of course. I don't start looking through past movies/TV series/photos within my laptop. . .

The act of going to Starbucks comforts me.
It's like I pay for a cup of coffee,
and a 100 new Japanese words fly into my brain,
locking themselves in my long term memory for future reference.
One can dream. 


I don't think I study enough.
I can't seem to do...enough.
Do you have that feeling? Ever?
Whatever you do is simply just insufficient.
Worse is when its shoved in your face, really.
I want to study. Of course I do.
Why would I pay 5500yen and later discover I failed the test?
This test would add to my hopefully convincing applications in which I plan to send out to every possible university abroad that might consider granting me a scholarship.

So I have two weeks left until my test. Two whole weeks. 14 Days.
Come tomorrow, I'll have 13 days, but I'm glad that today was off to a good start.
I usually tell myself I won't cram before an exam but for some odd reason, my two months preparation was clearly too leisurely spread out.
I just have to give it my best for these upcoming two weeks ahead- then I can enjoy Japan once again.

I have two more months left here in Japan.
Going back to New Zealand in two months.
The latter sentence is so...daunting and scary.
It even makes me tear a little.
I can't go back.
I have nothing to go back to.
Sometimes I feel like no one would even want me back, anyway.
The way things are going with my family...I can honestly say that it's better if I don't go home at all.
It'll make everyone's lives easier.
Therefore; the April Project has begun as of today.

What is the April Project?
The April Project will consist of many goals that I have slowly accumulated during my stay here in Japan.
These goals I will reveal one by one as I start on them.
I'll then aim to finish them before starting on the next one; because lets face it; I can't name a single thing in which I've finished what I've started.
I am allowed to work on two or more goals if they are in association with one another.
(although one at a time is clearly the way to go so that it goes well.)

This project will end in the year 2012.
The overall success of the April Project will then be decided if I've accomplished my last, and biggest goal.
To be living in a different country in the year 2012.

The April Project is extremely selfish, but I think I need to be selfish for once in my life.
I had many other names for this project but I thought that my own name would suffice- seeming as it's all about me me, and me.

I've only been hurt for trying to be anything else, for someone else in the past.
The April Project will not have any association with the word 'failure'. 
I won't rest until all my goals on that list are completed.
I will also blog about the progress of each goal on the April Project.
I might make a new blog website, call it the April Project.
....
Actually no I won't.
That sounds awful.

So Goal One: Passing N2. 

Coming to Japan I've learnt that the people that love you will love you, for you.
Not because of what you believe in, and not because of what you've apparently changed to become.
No matter what you say, or do? They love you because, you are you.

I've been lucky to find people that are like that here in Japan.
My host family, being one of the prime examples.
They're proud of me.
Even if I don't appear to be studying all day, they tell me all the time and reassure me that I'm improving in my Japanese.
They confide in me, and although I'm not their real daughter, I feel like they are my real family.
I don't think my real family back home have any patience left with me.

I've changed a lot here in Japan.
Some may say it's for the worse, but I don't actually care.
For once in my life, I don't care what people say about me.

It's so liberating to finally live my own life without worrying about what others would think or say.
I think when you are put in an environment when you are under the watchful and critical eye of everyone; both younger AND older...you learn to stop trying.
Clearly, no matter how much you try and please someone? There is no pleasing anyone.
So why bother?
I've learnt to focus in my life because no one else will.

I don't know how I've gotten to develop this way of thinking.
Perhaps its because I've had to grow up and experience life- both the pain and the joy.

We are all individuals.

Therefore to love someone else would take change.

To be with someone, you would chip away the little pieces of you that don’t seem to fit.

You would chip, and continue chipping until both you and that other person would click together as one.

Sometimes, the other person wouldn’t make any compromise.

This is dangerous; because one would have to make so much compromise that they literally lose themselves in the process.

The process of loving someone so much that they are willing to do anything for them.

When you get to this stage; you are in so much sh*t.

Why?

It’s simple.

The minute the person you are chipping away at yourself for is gone?

So are you.

You are gone as well, and when you look at yourself in the mirror, you can barely recognize your own face.

I think I've chipped too much. 

Not saying that the chipping is bad; but I have to chip for the right person.

I'm glad that I don't regret chipping for the relationships that matter; however, I definitely regret chipping for the people that do not appreciate it.

This doesn't just apply to romantic love, but all kinds of relationships I think.

Also another goal in my April Project.

Following the blog about religion and the ridiculous reactions to it, 

I've realized who my true friends are.

Granted it's a sad realization but I'm glad it's happened now instead of later. 

I wasn't even pointing out that I didn't believe in God but sad to say; lately?

I've pretty much lost all hope thinking so.

This is NOT a sad blog.

Just a serious blog. 

Think of it like this:
The new Harry Potter movie doesn't exactly send you swimming in a pool of M&M's, but we all know that come part two, it's going to be good.

This project will have a part two. (if not many other parts in between mainly consisting of my pathetic complaints.)

Hopefully the part two being "The April Project- COMPLETED!"

All my blogs following this one will not consist of this project.

Just needed to vent out a bit because despite doing over a total of 600 cards, 

I still feel like I could have done more.

I needed to vent out a bit because I feel like I have no more family back home.

I need a motivation boost because even if I make a million cards in the next hour, I still won't feel satisfied with myself.

Maybe it's good not to feel satisfied with one's self.
Then one would fall into the pit known as mediocrity.

I hate to feel completely alone- but I guess you can't really rely on someone other than yourself.

After all, we're all human. 

And what do we do most of the time but f*ck everything up anyway?

So even though I feel none of it in my direction,

here's some from me.

All my love always,

April

the diet dilemma

Prior to coming on this exchange I was told that I would lose weight here in Japan.

One would assume so; the Japanese are known for their diets of rice, soup, fish, and tofu.
Protein here comes in the form of mince meat or wieners.

In comparison to what we would normally eat back in New Zealand, the Japanese people here have brilliant diets.

Sure it lacks fruit because it costs the earth, but their portion sizes are just right.

Looking at a Japanese person’s body shape, one would also assume that their diet is the reason to why they all lack body fat.

The women lack in curves.
The men..
well; other things as well that I am way too classy to mention. ;]

Being here for a good 8 months though? I gotta say that this whole ‘I am going to lose weight in Japan!’ was a huge lie I was telling myself from the start.

If anything, I’ve been gradually gaining weight. 

With winter setting in fast, I cannot believe how awful my self control eating habits are here.

The other exchange girls are all having the same dilemma.

The past girls had the same dilemma too.

the conbini parties that we have on a weekly basis to either 'relieve stress', or 'celebrate' some insignificant event.

I don’t think I know any exchange girl here in Japan that has not realized that their waistlines are just expanding at an alarming rate.

you just totally died from a heart attack by looking at this picture.

Japanese people have such great diets, and most of them look great.
They're also robots and aren't tempted by anything resembling food.
The difference with a Japanese person and a foreign person living in Japan is that we foreigners are suckers when it comes to food.
We LOVE to eat.
So if you accompany the love of food and making it oh-so-accessible?
It's just like giving bringing a crate of beer to an alcoholic intervention party.

It's pretty much giving your sex addict free condoms, and free vaccinations against STD's. Along with the phone numbers of girls that are rather .. easy.

My photos on facebook are a testimony to how much I’ve enjoyed my food here in Japan. Not a single month goes by where I do not take a picture of some certain food item, or taking photos in a food place with friends.

Not a single purikura time goes by where I do not write some sort of food item on it.

“Taiyaki Time!”,

“CHEESEBURGER”,

 “TAKO BALLS”.

“Crepes!”

I bet some of you have gained weight just by looking at my photos.

If you wanna blame anyone for the winter/exam weight gain?

Blame me. I know I do. 

We find an excuse to eat; all the time.

I don’t know what it is, really. We say it’s stress, or ‘to celebrate this certain event’.

Well let me tell you? We’ll even find an excuse to celebrate the fact that its Thursday.
We are way, WAY too liberal with that word. 

Not quite yet Friday, but two more days to freedom,
so HEY, lets go buy melon bread and milk tea at the conbini!

Using your train card (suica or pasmo; depending on if you preferred penguins or pink buses), in these conbini’s and vending machines grants you so much freedom.

But I personally think that my suica is cursed because I’ll just step out of the train, its freezing, and because it hangs outside my school bag, my card has the power to drag me all the way to the vending machine, and force me to pick a hot drink, and then press the buttons to allow it to do so.

I don't actually WANT to buy anything, but my suica card just drags me all the way to some random 売り場(...god, I actually don't know this word in English. It means...stall?)

After 130yen is raped out of my suica, I am left standing with a hot drink in hand and utterly guilt ridden.

My friend and I decided to perhaps try watching our diets a bit better.

Needless to say we both were terrible diet buddies.

On Monday it would be, "OH MY GOD, it's MONDAY, let's have cake because we need the sugar for the energy throughout the week."

On Tuesday it'd be, "oh bloody hell, it's ONLY tuesday- how does splitting a McFlurry sound?"

Come Wednesday and Thursday it would be just awkward because we both knew that neither of us was being good and not indulging in some long, big, thick...(thats what she said) bread like thing that the Japanese have managed to create, package into some cute plastic bag and sell for 120yen if not less.

Friday and the weekend usually comes the 'celebration'.

We would make excuses to 'celebrate' the fact we 'made it through the week'.

To really illustrate to you how we celebrate little insignificant things here in Japan, exchange student style, we had a pre Harry Potter viewing celebration party.
This party lasted for the whole week.
Harry Potter came out yesterday but we've been pigging out since Monday.
And it's only logical that one needs to have an after party too?
Who has a pre party and no after party, right? :)
Needless to say the after party was today...which is also going to drag on come next week Monday. . . (dont judge me!)

We're also celebrating Potato Fish Day.
(STOP JUDGING ME! Shame on you. You don't have a soul.)

introducing my new boyfriend.

There's a fish in the school's aquarium that literally looks like a potato with eyes.
Out of boredom and procrastination, I even made a group on Facebook in it's dedication.
Can someone please, tell me to study? 
It's in two weeks. My test. And what am I doing instead?
Eating too much, gaining weight, and looking at fishes in the school's aquarium.
If you looked in a dictionary, I would totally be a synonym for the noun 'pig', and the adjectives 'lazy', and 'stupid'.

Mind you; this isn't a blog to complain about how terrible Japan is for making me gain weight.

It's a blog about how amusing it is that all exchange students that come here end up loving the simplest things- such as conbini's.

Back in New Zealand I was unimpressed if not disgusted to go to a dairy and buy food there to eat.

There wasn't ever a time where I would walk past a dairy and go "damn, I wanna get *insert disgusting calorie-filled food item here*"

My host family, as lovely as they are, also feed me quite a bit.

I don't really think I have a choice in the matter really.
If I say I don't want dinner, the reply, just like an automated voicemail system would then come out of my host dad's mouth going, "why ever not? I made *insert really tempting Japanese dish into here* just for you."
Then I will reluctantly say, "I'm quite full from the huge feast I had with my friends at lunch."
Then he would reply, "well what time was that? You need dinner, don't you? Besides it's getting cold now, you should eat..."

BUT.
The colder it is, one's metabolic rate would then slow down.
I think that's the theory, right?
So you store all your stupid fat instead of burning it off like one does in summer just by standing outside in the heat.

Therefore. I have been storing my food.
I should just stop living here.
The whales are calling me. They really are.
In fact I even drew a picture.
(did I mention I've been extremely lazy too? It's to accompany the whole 'eating too much' habit. One can't be hardworking and eat a lot, right? Doesn't work that way.) ;p

the diagram above shows it all, really. It basically shows from when I first came here, and when I moved to my new host family come summer vacation...until now. =]

However, I think I will actually lose all the weight off when I return to New Zealand.
Unless my family insist on taking me to eat pasta, pizza, and all the foods that I can't eat here in Japan.
If any of my family are reading this- please don't bring me to eat any more. :(
I'm afraid I'll be an embarrassment! :P

But as long as I am here, I don't think I mind too much.
It's all part of the experience.
....
do you see how I'm making excuses for myself to eat?
XD

All my love always,

April

Bye Japan! =] (English and Japanese Final Edit)

わたしが日本にいることができるのはあと二ヶ月間しかいない。信じがたい事に、今もう１１月です。毎日カレンダー見たら、｢夢ではあるまいか。｣と自分に聞きます。「光陰矢の如し」って日本語が私の好きなことわざです。この留学を通して本当の意味も表してくる。今年の時間は速いものがある。この留学を通して、苦しい事もあったけれど、すべて素晴らしい経験であったので、何も変わりたくないと思います。この留学を終えるのは、とても寂しいことで、日本を大好きになったので、帰りたくないです。

I can’t believe I only have two more months left here in Japan. Time really does fly like an arrow, and if I could change anything in this exchange, I wouldn’t. Every single memory made with my current host family, school friends, other exchange students that have already left, and the exchange students that are here- I would not change a single thing.

I have so many things I want to say, and it will take more than three minutes. However, I’ll try my best to tell all of you how my exchange has been, and how sad I am that it is ending.

最初来たとき、「ここは日本」との実感も気づけなかった。最初のホストファミリーでとても大変で、「やっぱり帰ったら苦しい事も無くなる。」と思いました。でも、その時は、十ヶ月間しか日本にいないも実感しました。日本語を話せるように留学をして、英語で表現するのと同じように日本語で自分の思いや、意見などを友達に言いたい。母国語であるかのように話せるようになりたいの気持ちも増えてきました。十ヶ月間しかいないという事実も今まで分かっていたので、毎日無駄にしない事にしました。大変だったけれど、留学の理由は新しい言語習うのみならず、人生についても習う事があります。

 

I came here on the 4^th of April. When I first arrived in Japan, I was only just a little bit excited. I was still in shock that I was in a foreign country all on my own, and the shock of leaving my family and friends behind in New Zealand numbed me from reality. However, the excitement of knowing I only had 10 months to make as many memories as possible in one of the most coveted cities in the world quickly grew. My love for the language also grew day by day, and I wanted so badly to express myself in Japanese the way I do so in English and Chinese.

帰国した留学生のおかけで、今のホストファミリーと知り合った。七月真ん中くらい、今のホストファミリーの家に引越しました。もし我慢できなかったら、本当に残念だったと思います。なぜなら、引越したら、日本がどんどん好きになって、日本の文化と言語の興味も増えてきました。引越しする前に、同級生の家を私の為にあけてくれた。そのころ日本人の優しさも気づけました。困ったとき、外人に問わず、助けてくれた。やっぱり、皆の心はとてもいいです。皆わたしを応援してくれて、感動しました。

 

I’ve been through hard and lonely times here in Tokyo. Sometimes I would even consider how much easier it would be if I just went back to New Zealand. Prior to summer vacation, I was extremely hopeless, and if not for the help of my other exchange friend, I would not have moved to my new host family. Come the start of summer vacation, things were starting to look better. In between moving houses, I stayed for a week in my classmate’s house that so warmly welcomed me in. It was from this point on, that I realized how kind Japanese people were. I didn’t expect my classmate to take any interest in my problems whatsoever, but after a few phone calls, I was packing my bags and moving to Chiba within a day.

新しいホストファミリーのおかけで日本人の優しさをもっと知りました。ホストファミリーは、とてもいい人で、私のことを大事に思っているし、一緒に住むととても楽です。両親の料理も本当に美味しくて、量もたくさん作ってくれて、すごい太ってしまった。好きな食べ物をホスト両親たちに聞いたら、今度もちろん作ってくれます。そこまで私の事を考えてくれて、すごい感動しています。今までも、これからも、ありがとうございます。ホストファミリーと一緒に過ごす時間も大事にしています。夏休みの間、一緒に浅草の花火祭り行きました。友達と一緒に横浜と江戸川の花火祭りも見に行きました。三つの場所はとてもよかったです。最近ホストファミリーと伊豆まで行きました。楽しくて、もっといい思い出を作る事が出来ました。やっぱり、帰りたくないです。なぜ帰りたくないかというと色々理由あるけど、その中の上位は、ホストファミリーと離れたくないからです。自分の家族みたいに大事にしていますから、離れたら、皆の事も恋しくなると思います。

 

After a week of staying at my classmate’s house in Chiba, I moved to another part of Chiba where my new host family is staying. Thanks to my new host family that has so kindly taken me in since the start of summer vacation, I have come to see the true kindness of Japanese people. I love Japan just as much as I do my own country, if not more. My current host family is one of the nicest people I have met in my life. They are so loving and understanding, and they are also very open-minded.  My host dad and mom both work extremely hard at their job, and my host sister is really interesting and funny. I have gained so much weight ever since I moved here because they cook such yummy Japanese food. I don’t know how I’ll go back to New Zealand and not be able to eat such delicious Japanese food. They have taken me to so many places to eat outside too, and I experienced my first viewing of fireworks with my new host mom in Asakusa, and I loved it so much, I went to the Yokohama and Edo Gawa festivals too. I’ve been shopping with my host mom, and down to Izu over a weekend last month. These memories spent with my host family will never ever fade. I love them all, and they are also one of the reasons why I do not want to go back to New Zealand. I love them like I love my family.

夏休みは本当に留学の最高な時間だったと思います。毎日友達と一緒に時間も過ごせたので、いい思い出を作ることが出来ました。夜の景色はやっぱり写真を見ても、感じることが出来ない。道を歩いて、空気を感じて、東京の美しさも分かってくる。時間はどんどん早くなっていくから、毎晩寝たくないです。もう一日終わったと思うのは本当に嫌で、日本を離れたくないです。夏休みが終わる前に最初に出来た友達は、皆帰国しましたので、｢さよなら｣と言うことの痛みも初めて味わった。留学で一番つらい事は皆と一緒に短くても、本当に仲良くなっても、結局離れなければなりません。それは大変ですが、時間も大事にしている理由も分かってきます。人間の関係は本当に大切なので、大事にしないと、自分の人生にも意味が無くなる。その痛みも日本で味わってるのはとてもありがたいことです。

 

Summer vacation was truly the highlight of my exchange. I went to Kamakura, and three fireworks festivals. Before coming onto this exchange I didn’t have any expectations of going on any trips.  I started to love Japan even more than I thought possible, and I hated going to bed every night knowing that I will be one day closer to the day that I will have to leave this place, with all the people I’ve come to love in it.

All the exchange friends I’ve become best friends with have all returned home to continue on with their own lives, while I am still here in Japan, finishing my exchange. I never understood what it truly meant to feel loss, and to say goodbye to someone you might never see again, until I came on exchange. I am so grateful that I did experience this because I now realize how important it is to treasure the time you have with someone. No matter how long, or how short, the relationship you have with another person is one of the most important things in your life. 

「いくつの言語を話せますか。」と私に聞いたら、答えがなくなります。英語と中国語ならまだしも、日本語は同じように表現する事が本当に出来るのかなど、まだ分からない。普通の会話ならまだしも、大事な話題で色んな専門用語はまだ知らないので、参加する事ができないと思います。本当に話せるレベルって、誰にでも会話できれば、どんな話題があっても話せるなら、「日本語を話せます」と言える。残っている時間でもっと上手になりたいです。

When people ask me how many languages I can speak, I’m not sure if I can include Japanese quite yet. I can have simple conversations in Japanese, of course, but I think that it would take more than a year for anyone to learn a foreign language. I want to be able to express myself in Japanese just as well as I do in English and Chinese. I can express myself to a fair level in Japanese but I want to be able to have conversations with all kinds of people here in Japan, on any given topic too.  With the remaining months left here, I want to become even better in my proficiency.

将来また日本に戻ってきます。戻るとき、品女に来るはずで、久しぶりな場所にもう一回戻ったら、今年作った思い出がよみがえってくると思います。今年間につらい事があったのをきっかけにして、私の性格は強くなりました。この世界で嬉しい事と一緒に、悲しい事も来ます。だから痛みを通じて、今から前進するよりほかない。成功にしろ失敗にしろ、結局最後の結果にかかわらず、どうやって結果にたどり着いたということが一番大切です。もし努力したら、これは成功しただけましだ。皆のおかけで、この事も気づくことが出来たので、ありがとうございます。皆がいなかったら、私もここまでの考え方も持ってなかったと思います。言葉で言うだけで、私の本当の気持ちを表現する事ができません。帰国しても、皆の笑顔と優しさを絶対に忘れないです。この学校、私の留学と日本人の友達、私のホストファミリー、優先生と工藤先生、皆も、ありがとうございました。応援してくれて、いい思い出を一緒に作ってくれて、世界中どこにいっても皆の事絶対に大切に思います。

When I come back, I want to visit this school again, and meet the new exchange kids that will be in my place. I want to come back here, and hopefully say that I haven’t forgotten how to speak Japanese too much, and also thank everyone once again for contributing to one of the best years of my life yet to come. Even though times here in Tokyo have been lonely, I wouldn’t have it any other way. With joy comes sorrow, and if I had to go through pain to become the person that Japan has made me become, then it’s all worth it. I have changed so much as a person, and I have learned not to regret anything. It’s not about if I succeed or not, but its all about how I get there in the first place.  Thank you everyone, for always supporting me. It’s been such a great experience and words cannot express how grateful I am to all of you for always being there for me. This school, my host families, my Japanese school friends, and all the exchange students that have left, and are still here, I will never forget you.