バイバイ の スピーチ！My Farewell Speech in Japanese~

わたしが日本にいることができるのは二ヶ月間しかいない。

信じがたい事に、今もう１１月です。毎日カレンダー見たら、｢夢ではあるまいか。｣と自分に聞きます。「光陰矢の如し」って日本語で好きなことわざです。

この留学の間に本当の意味も表してくる。今年の時間は速いものがある。この留学に関して、苦しい事もあったけれど、すべて素晴らしい経験でしたから、何も変わりたくないと思います。

楽しい事だけではなく、苦しいことも起こったから、よかったです。今年皆と一緒に作った思い出は大事にして、全然後悔することが無いです。

色々な事本当に言いたいですが、三分間以上絶対かかるので、一生懸命、今までの留学経験についてを話します。

この留学も終わるはずのことも、とても寂しくて、日本のことが大好きになって、帰りたくないです。

最初来たとき、「ここは日本」との実感も気づけなかった。

ＮＺの友達と家族は離れて、まだ慣れてないので、日本に来てちょっと嫌だった。色んな違うところがあって、学校でも、最初のホストファミリーでも、大変で、「やっぱり帰ったら苦しい事も無くなる。帰ったら、大学に入って、簡単になる」と思いましたが、十ヶ月間しか日本にいないを実感しました。

他の留学生も会って、日本人の友達も出来て、すぐ日本のいい事も見つけました。日本語を話せるように留学したかったが、今の目標は英語で表現するのと同じように日本語で自分の思いとか、意見とか友達に言いたい。日本語がもっと話したいし、母国語であるかのようになりたいの気持ちも増えてきました。

つまり、英語で表現するとおりに日本語でも表現したいです。十ヶ月間しかいないという事実も今まで分かっているので、毎日無駄にしない事にしました。留学の理由は新しい言語習うのみならず、人生の事も習う事があります。

東京にいる時間で時々、気持ちは寂しくて、孤独な気持ちも感じた事ありました。

時々、ＮＺに帰ったほうがいいと思った事もありました。夏休みに先たち、日本で留学の理由も忘れました。希望全然持ていなかったし、日本の文化も理解できなかった。「もう三ヶ月間にいるのに、どうしてまだ慣れていないの｣と思いました。

帰国した留学生のおかけで、今のホストファミリーと知り合って、電話かけて、一週間後に、今のホストファミリーの家に引越しました。もし我慢できなかったら、本当に残念だと思います。なぜなら、引越したら、日本がどんどん好きになって、日本の文化と言語の興味も増えてきました。引越しする前に、同級生の家を私の為にあけて、同級生のおかけで、私も日本の事理解始めました。一週間ぐらいあそこで泊まりました。

そのころ日本人の優しさも気づけました。困ったとき、外人でも助けてくれたのが、すごい優しくて、やっぱり、皆の心とてもいいです。皆わたしを応援してくれて、感動しました。

今のホストファミリーは千葉県に住んでいます。本当にいい所で、千葉の空気のほうが新鮮で、朝家を出て、ＮＺと同じような風も吹いてきて、いい気持ちにしている。

ホストファミリーのおかけで日本人の優しさもっと知りました。夏休み始まったら、日本の文化とか、日本人の考え方もだんだん見つけました。日本に残っていたかいがあって、初めて日本の夏も経験する事ができました。今のホストファミリーは、私の二回目で、もしホストファミリーを代わらなったら、日本のことそんなに大好きではない。ホストファミリーは、とてもいい人です。私のこと大事に思っているし、一緒に住むととても楽で、本当に家族みたいに感じています。ホスト両親の料理も本当に美味しくて、量もたくさんくれて、すごい太ってしまった。ＮＺに戻ったら、そんなに美味しくて、旨い料理食べられないから、寂しいです。私は和風が大好きで、食べる事も好きだから、好きな食べ物ホスト両親たち聞いたら、今度もちろん作ってくれます。そこまで私の事考えて、すごい感動しています。今のホストファミリーは自分の母と父みたいに行動してくれますから、今までも、これからも、ありがとうございます。ホストファミリーが大好きで、学校の後で、すぐ帰りたいです。ホストファミリーと一緒にの時間も大事にしています。

夏休みの間、色んな場所も連れて行ってくれました。外で食べたり、花火見に行ったりしました。私も夏休み間日本の花火見た事ありました。海外より全然違うし、日本の花火のほうがすごいです。ホストファミリーと一緒に浅草の花火祭り行ったとき、すごい感動していました。そしたら、他の場所でも花火祭り経験したかった。

友達と横浜と江戸川の花火祭り見に行きました。三つのところもとてもよかったです。ホストファミリーと一緒に買い物したり、最近も伊豆まで行きました。あそこでも日本の海見ました。楽しくて、もっといい思い出作りました。やっぱり、帰りたくないです。

なぜ帰りたくないかというと色々理由あるけど、その中の上位は、ホストファミリーと離れたくないからです。自分の家族みたいに大事にしますから、離れたら、皆の事も恋してします。

夏休みは本当に留学の最高時間だと思います。

日本に来る前に、夏休みの期待全然持てなかったですが、やっぱり、一番楽しい時間だった。夏休み間にも、鎌倉に行きました。あそこで海と、お寺も見学して、日本は本当に文化的で、伝統的な国です。夏休みに経験しきれて、本当によかったです。毎日友達と一緒に時間も過ごせるし、東京周りの景色も見て、東京の夜景すごいと思いました。世界で、三つの都市が一番有名だと聞いた。パリ、ニューヨーク、東京ということです。私も、四月からここまで周り見て、同感です。夜の景色はやっぱり写真見ても、感じることが出来ない。道で歩いて、空気を感じて、東京の美しさも分かってくる。時間はどんどん早くなっていくから、毎晩寝たくないです。もう一日終わったと思うのは本当に嫌で、日本で楽しくて、皆と離れたくないです。

四月から、八月までの友達は、夏休み終わる前に帰国しましたから、私も｢さよなら｣と言うことの痛みも初めて味わった。留学で一番つらい事は学校じゃなくて、新しい言語を習う事でもないと思います。

やっぱり、皆と一緒に短くても、本当に仲良くなっても、結局離れなければなりません。

それは不公平で、暗いことなんですが、時間も大事にしている理由も分かってくる。人間の関係が本当に大切ですから、大事にしないと、自分の人生にも意味が無くなる。その痛みも日本で味わってるのはとてもありがたいです。今度だれに会っても、どこにいっても、もちろんお互いの気持ちと時間を大事することにします。

日本語を習う為に日本まで留学する事に決めました。言語も大好きで、二週間後で、日本語能力試験も受けるつもりです。合格は私の望む事です。

今まで一生懸命勉強していますから、もし失敗しても、勉強のかいがあると思う。受かったら、この試験を頼りに奨学金を貰える可能性も高くなります。アメリカとか、イギリスの大学で法律を勉強したいです。

日本に来て、日本語しか勉強しないと思うが、他の事も習いました。この留学をきっかけにして、時は金なりという事も気づけました。時間を無駄にすると、お金も無駄にするということです。人生の中に他の人と一緒の時間大事しないと、次の日に何が起こるか、知らないから、現在をちゃんと楽しんだほうがいいと思います。日本で１０ヶ月間しかいないから、四月からの時間を無駄しなかったから、日本語の勉強とか、文化とかも習えました。その考え方もＮＺまで使ったら、成功する可能性も高くなると望みます。だから、毎日一生懸命日本語を勉強して、日本にいる限り、色んな練習できたら、帰国する前にぺらぺらになりたい。それでも、帰る前に、わたしの今まで知り合った人々に「ありがとうございます」と言いたいです。困った時も、私の側ずっといましたから、本当に感謝しています。

「いくつの言語話せますか。」と私に聞いたら、答えがなくなります。

英語と中国語ならまだしも、日本語は同じように表現する事が本当に出来るとか、まだ分からない。普通の会話ならまだしも、大事な話題で色んな専門用語はまだ知らないから、参加する事ができないと思います。

本当に話せるレベルって、誰にでも会話できれば、どんな話題があっても話せるなら、「日本語を話せます」と言える。

だから、一年間って長いですが、どんな言語を習っても一年間は絶対に足りないと思います。でも、残っている時間でもっと上手になりたいで、もっと良い思いで作りたいです。時間は無駄してられないと思います。残っている時間もっと楽しくなる。ホストファミリーと一緒に広島でクリスマスとお正月は日本でお祝いする事にします。

ＮＺに戻る事はちょっと怖いですが、将来また戻ってきます。

戻るとき、品女に来るはずで、新しい留学生も会って、久しぶりな所もう一回戻って、今年の思い出も出てきて、嬉しいです。

四月から今にかけてつらい事があったのをきっかけにして、私の性格は強くなりました。この世界で嬉しい事と一緒に、悲しい事も来ます。だから痛みを通じて、今から前進するよりほかない。何でも起こったら、残念の気持ちも捨てたほうがいいと習いました。

成功にしろ失敗にしろ、結局最後の結果にかかわらず、どうやって結果に着いたということが一番大切です。もし努力したら、これは成功しただけましだ。皆のおかけで、この事も気づけましたから、ありがとうございます。

皆いないと、私もここまでの考え方も持ってなかったと思います。

言葉で言うだけで、私の本当の気持ちを表現する事ができない。本当に皆、ありがとうございます。帰国しても、皆の笑顔と優しさ絶対に忘れないです。

この学校、私の留学友達、私のホストファミリー、優先性と工藤先生にも、皆も、ありがとうございます。応援してくれて、いい思い出一緒に作ってくれて、世界でどこにいっても皆の事絶対に大切と思います。

終わり！

Nostalgia

It’s getting really cold in Japan.

It’s so cold that I’m wearing a scarf around the house, stockings, and socks, along with a huge unattractive jumper. Despite the gas heater being on, I am still cold.

I remember one of the reasons why I love the cold so much.

You sleep so well, and so soundly too.

No dreams, good or bad, to haunt you during the day.

It’s also one of the reasons why I dislike the cold because you want to sleep all, the, time.

You move slower, and the day is shorter. The night’s drag on, and you can’t help but feel lonelier.

I had a really scary dream around 4AM.

It’s maybe my second dream since I’ve been here in Japan.

I rarely dream but when I do, I’m always crying.

Tears on my pillow, but I have no idea why.

I woke myself up out of my dream because I started choking from all my tears, and minutes later, my host sister came into my room wondering if I was alright.

Apparently- I sob like a little girl during my nightmares.

I’m glad I don’t remember my dreams though- it would suck if I did, and it would haunt me for the rest of the day to come.

I wonder though- what I dreamt about.

Probably something awful, and horrible, but I bet it was something that I’ve been through in the past.

I highly doubt I was crying over some random dream I had.

I don’t know. Edward Cullen trying to eat me alive?

Yeah- I can see why that would make me cry like that.

I’ve just finished writing my speech; first in English, then translated into Japanese. I know you aren’t supposed to do that- you are meant to separate the two languages so that you will learn how to think in Japanese but let’s face it.

 My fluency will always lie in English primarily, and I thought that if I was to challenge myself further- writing this speech in English but translating the grammar into Japanese would deepen my understanding of Japanese grammar.

It kicked my ass, but after four hours, I have written and hopefully perfected my farewell speech.

What did I write about in my speech? I plan to video it on the day.

Hopefully my Japanese friend will remember to press the record button this time.

I had to do a welcoming speech around June, and I asked my friend to help me record it.

She held the camera there for a good five minutes, but when I came back, nothing was recorded.

Turns out she didn’t press the record button. Bless her soul.

(I think I’m going to ask a different person to record it this time- just for safety measures…)

Writing this speech has made me realize how much I have done here in Japan.

How far I’ve come along, and how little time I have left.

The people I’ve met.

The people I will meet.

The people I’ve said goodbye to.

The people I’m going to leave behind.

the girls I hang out with during lunch time!

Olivia and I wondering how to get our HP Scarves..(to later discover that we wouldn't.)

I couldn’t help but shed a tear or two realizing that its ending.

I’m scared to leave Japan because I’m also afraid that I’ll forget.

I’m currently still clinging onto the memories I have with my friends that have left, and the friends I have with me now.

I’m still hoping that if I stay here, the memories will remain fresh in my mind- because although they seem like a long, long time ago?

I still remember them as clear as day.

I can be walking around in a certain place and remember the funny things that have happened because of a certain bossy shop attendant, or the confusion over some word in a menu.

These little things, they help remind me of how much I have loved, and how much love I have received here in Japan.

Leaving Japan…I’m afraid I’ll leave my memories behind too.

April 4th, 2010. First day in Japan.

meeting with my friends from my old high school back in NZ when they came on the exact same exchange I did back in 2008... (talk about nostalgia.)

baseball match with Kat, my awesome American friend whom I dearly miss! (and owe a lot to considering I'm only with my new host family because of her. :P)

 Memories have flooded me today and I can’t help but feel a bit nostalgic.

I miss everyone so much, and I am going to miss the people that are with me now.

I’ve gotten to be good friends with a lot of the girls in school, and for once I am finding myself feeling included in conversations, and the girls are fighting over dates to hang out with me.

I feel loved and wanted here. 

teaching the Japanese girls what the true meaning of "OMG" really is in Japanese.

Asya- one the coolest, cutest chicks to ever grace the island of Japan! :D I love you!

being the lesbians that we are with my German friend, Lisa <3

and oh, oh those su-ummer nightss :P

What will happen when I go back?

I highly doubt that there will be any kind of ‘welcoming party’, though I am not expecting one nor am I hinting for one.

My family has moved on without me.

They have organized their lives so that I am out of the equation and I feel that by me going home I’ll just be a burden. I don’t want that- I want to be wanted.

I feel my coming back wouldn’t really have any impact; and if it did, perhaps it would be a bad one.

No one really misses me THAT much, I don’t think, and perhaps many of my friends have even forgotten about me considering my absence in most of their birthdays, not to mention graduation and prom.

In a few days it’s going to be November, and I thought that I’d be excited to go home but I really am not.

I don’t want to go home at all. I have connected with this place that this has become my home.

Sure, I feel lonely. But I am willing to trade all of that just so I can stay here for another 10 months.

Not only do I feel that my level of Japanese can be better, but so can I.

I can be better, and I haven’t stopped growing mentally yet.

Sometimes I’d find myself thinking the weirdest and most immature thoughts that I can imagine if I ever told anyone about them, a slap would be the least that they could do for me.

Listening to music here in Japan is one of the most crucial things.

It gets you through the hardest of times and the one thing I find amazing is how the same song,

That you have been listening to since you were 13, or 15, can still relate to you in any situation.

I realize that in my vast collection of music here on my laptop that there are so many tracks that I’ve neglected back in New Zealand, and that have been part of my daily soundtrack now in Japan.

There are songs that are completely and utterly stained with memories of Japan.

Sometimes I regret choosing to listen to those songs I love so much- it revokes all the emotion I was undergoing at that time, and I feel awkward to enjoy the music I once enjoyed so much.

However, I am still going to make that Japan playlist in my iTunes library, and listen to the hundreds of tracks in a few years time when I want to reminisce about this country and all the people I’ve had the opportunity to meet while I’m here.

I bought the Script’s new album recently because I was (am still) craving for new music.

Buying off iTunes here is out of the question because I don’t have a card, and downloading isn’t good because my host family doesn’t’ have unlimited internet and every MB used would cost them money.

I wouldn’t usually listen to bands like The Script at all, but surprisingly.

The songs have grown on me, and now I know that I’ll definitely be listening to this album on my flight back to New Zealand come January 26^th next year.

In my farewell speech, I talk about how much I’ve changed.

How my expectations have changed.

I wanted to talk about the people I’ve met, and how much they’ve helped me changed.

However I realize that if I make my speech any more emotional than it already is people might start to fall asleep 30 seconds into my droning.

kissing random things in Osaka..

the night view in Namba! =]

I wanted to talk about Osaka, and how different the culture is there in comparison to that of Tokyo; and how it made me realize how beautiful Japan really is; deep in tradition and culture no matter where you go.

However- my exchange company is unaware of my rebellion in leaving Tokyo without their permission, and I am not going to risk getting sent back two months early, or even worse, them keeping me here but putting me on a two-month probation.

I talk about the pain of saying goodbye.

Being the one to watch people go, and being the person that has to go; the differences in their roles, but the pain being exactly the same.

I talk a lot about how grateful I am to have gone through the pain I’ve been through.

I talk about not wanting to leave for Japan because I’ll miss everyone in the audience. (except for my exchange company that are so unfortunately coming to the actual speech day to make sure my Japanese has improved somewhat, I guess.)

Looking at the calendar today has also made me realize how close it is to my Japanese exams.

I have an exam on Tuesday, and have I started studying? Yes I have, but I think I could be doing much more.

I should really study more. My motivation hasn’t run out mind you- just my physical body can’t exactly catch up with what my mind wants.

I think I’m just going to be boring every single person that will read my blogs from now on, or that have been reading my blogs.

I will just marvel at how fast time is passing by, and I can literally imagine myself reading my blogs in a few years time and thinking, “omg we get it, time passes by really fast.”

J hope all is forgiven though because it really is going by quickly!

And I can’t help but wonder how to make it stop. =/

I admire people whom have the skill and the time to record, edit, and upload videos about their exchange here in Japan.

As opposed to reading, a vlog sometimes just shows things so much clearer, and the emotion conveyed in that on video does not need to be expressed with words.

Just actual video footage accompanied with some music- its all it takes to bring back all the memories.

I’ve taken a few videos here in Japan, but not enough.

Looking through them helps me remember exactly what happened on that day, and how I felt at every single second.

Blogs that I write are usually too filled with emotion for them to be like an actual diary where I go, “So today I did A, then I went out with B to Cplace, and then ate D and E and F for lunch too.”

XD perhaps using the alphabet as representatives of who and what and how isn’t exactly ideal.

However, you get my drift. =]

I think I will get more study done after I finish up this blog.

Take the dogs out for a walk even.

They make me run flat out for about 30 seconds, and then stop abruptly because they get tired. >.<

Chihuahuas. Gotta love them.

All my love always,

April

torn in between

Keihin Tohoku Line in all its glorious-ness. XD

One thing I love about Japan is the time you get to yourself in the trains each day.

Since it takes me about half an hour to go to school (or anywhere really), I think a lot.

It really gives you time to reflect; where you were, where you are now, and what you will probably be doing in the near or far future.

Lately I’ve been comparing the earlier stage, and the later stage of my exchange.

I’ve realized that by each passing month, time seems to just flee faster, and faster.

I’ve noticed that things have been hard in Japan, but the good times I’ve had outweigh the bad times by a tenfold.

Mori Tower

Tokyo Tower at night

Here’s something I’ve never done before.

I would never walk down a street, smiling to myself, headphones in and just blissful with life.

Contented with what I have, and knowing that as each day comes, I’m giving it my all.

Here’s something I’ve never done before.

I’m not anticipating the worst to happen.

I’m actually waiting for great things to happen.

My expectations I set for myself have always been high.

However I’ve never expected for myself to come to this mental frame of mind where I am actually Iearning how to be a positive person and look on the bright side of things.

To enjoy the simplicity of what was, what is, and what will be.

I have control over my own feelings, and although I am still the over sensitive girl that over-analyzes every single situation, I definitely know that whining about it does not help whatsoever.

I’ve learnt to do something about situations that I’m not happy with.

I  never knew I’d come to this stage of my exchange.

I have always been the one to say goodbye so far- to the people that I have come to love, and have lost.

I have come to say goodbye, and learn to just treasure the memories for they are all that is left.

Yokohama with the girls!

Ueno and Roppongi all in one day!

But I am now in the stage of my exchange where I do not want to be the one that has to actually go.

I never realized how much fun I can have in Japan.

This exchange has gotten better and better day by day- and it’s all happening…now.

I wonder if this is normal; if the fun all happens at the later part of your exchange.

taking photos right in the middle of a street in Roppongi! XD

the "zoo" in which my good Canadian and I spent a good majority of the time at gift shops.

The fun really started to kick in come summer vacation and it has been going uphill from there.

I used to wait for the pain- I would anticipate when I would start feeling mediocre and worthless again back in the start of my exchange, if not all the while back in New Zealand.

However I was walking to school today and I realized I was just…smiling, to myself.

It was so refreshing to know that I can find happiness on my own- and that anticipating bad things in life to avoid that crashing disappointing feeling we all hate ends up putting you in a more unfortunate spot.

I don’t want to go to bed every time night comes around, because it means that I’ll be one day closer to the day that I’ll have to leave Japan.

Despite all the pain that I’ve been through here in Japan, the joy and all the memories that I’ve been privileged of experiencing will always be my sweet reward for not giving up and pressing on.

There is not a single thing I would change about this exchange.

I am even glad I went through the horror of my first host family because I am so grateful for the little things that a family would do for you on a daily basis that one would naturally overlook.

I can’t wait to come home every day; as opposed to feeling like my house is a prison, I feel like this home I live in is my own home, and my room is my own room.

I feel so happy and contented with this current family, I do not want to say goodbye to them next year, if ever.

I can honestly say that there is not a day that goes by without me giving it my absolute all.

If only I can continue with this mentality back in New Zealand.

I am working with this attitude right now because I have a limited time here in Japan; I know what I will miss here if I don’t try and experience everything now.

There are still so many places to go, so many things to try, so many foods to eat.

Time is running out, and oh my god I do NOT want to go back to New Zealand.

Christmas is coming around the corner and I just had this thought today that, “wouldn’t it be so amazing if all the people I have met during this exchange came back to Japan for a reunion?”

Because the people I’ve met here on this exchange I consider my own family.

You all have been such a great impact on my life and the idea of never seeing you again is not to be considered. :P

We will meet up again one day! Be it next year, or in the next ten years.

This may sound awful but I’ve forgotten what my life was like back in New Zealand.

I love my life here in Japan so much- the independence, my own little study system, my weekends with friends.

I can’t remember what I did back in New Zealand anymore.

I still remember the people, don’t get me wrong. I’ll always miss my friends, and my family too.

However I literally can’t remember what I did besides church, school, and…bake.

I don’t feel like I really have that much of a home.

I know that going back to New Zealand would be fun, and comforting at first.

However I have changed so much, and I know my friends and family are still the same.

Where do I fit into their lives? It’s been 7 months that they have lived their own lives without me.

When I get back there, it would be a total of 10 months.

Where can I fit? It’s not a question of if I fit or not, but it’s a question about the possibility of fitting in once again.

I feel like I don’t really belong in New Zealand anymore, and there are times where I feel like Japan truly isn’t my home.

So where do I fit? Where do I truly belong?

I haven’t had the opportunity to talk about this to any other previous exchange kids but I am certain that at least 50% of them felt the way I feel right now nearing the day of their departure back ‘home’.

This may also sound terrible, but because I haven’t been to church in a total of 7 months;

I have new questions about faith.

I’ve realized that ever since I was 4, I was dragged along to a church, and reflecting back on all the ‘stories’ I was taught to believe happened, and all the things I cannot do, or shouldn’t do because “God knows what is best for you in the long run”- I’ve stopped believing in that altogether.

Why? How?

Whenever I pick up some random book about how I should live my life the right way- I am just struck with utter guilt.

Guilt not because I clearly do not lead the life that God apparently would want all of us to lead, because I don’t even think it’s true.

I was reading an article online the other day, and it posed a question about the existence of God altogether.

“If God is a perfect being- why does he need for us to worship Him? The fact of the matter is, that if God is so perfect, he does not need worship for he is whole.”

This struck me as pure logic.

Back in March, I wouldn’t even be reading articles that would slightly suggest that God does not exist.

However, being more open minded to different cultures, and different beliefs as a result of my exchange here in Japan, I kept on reading.

A lot of the points he made was so logical and it made sense to believe why people on this earth would not believe that there is a superior being that is supposedly in charge of all its creation.

i just thought ice cream was appropriate to emphasis how 'happy' I am :P

Also; I feel happy.

I never knew it possible to feel happy on my own.

Of course, I’m not so convinced my heart can take anymore love being lost, but I realize that with each and every relationship, both friendships and romantic ones, I have gotten stronger.

And when I’m out of the self-pity stage, I learn to just be happy on my own once again.

If only I had this attitude last year- life wouldn’t have been so gloomy.

So do I really need a ‘being’ to be happy?

After all, how can we truly be happy if not within ourselves first?

We can’t truly rely on an outer source for happiness because no matter what, if you are not happy with yourself, then neither will you be with anything else. 

Prior to being a “Christian”, I was a Buddhist- but I hardly remember anything of that experience.

I’ve never really gotten a chance to question my own faith- ask about why things are the way they are written to be.

I plan to discover faith for myself, because I can’t claim myself a “Christian”, if I haven’t experienced “God” the way other people claim to have.

I can’t taint a religion with my current way of life, for I definitely do not lead a Christian-worthy lifestyle at the moment.

I’m however, extremely grateful that I’ve come to this stage of my life because maybe when I finally find some answers for myself- I’ll learn to treasure them.

I’ll be stronger, and so will my faith for whatever it is I choose to believe in.

I will be rock solid, and nothing will faze me- not even the fact that I don’t attend a church for a few months.

Don’t get me wrong- I have not neglected my faith just because of an article that I read online.

I do, however, know that I have a lot of learning to do about my own faith for me to feel the way I feel right now.

On a lighter note! (religion is such a heavy topic, I swear. ANY conversation I have regarding it ends up either awkwardly or just gloomily.)

My life in Japan is so much more exciting.

The fact it’s a foreign country, and I’m exploring it at the same time as learning the language makes every hour, and every day worthwhile.

I don’t want to go back to New Zealand and go to university; but stop learning.

Learning no longer counts as academic studies for me anymore.

I finally realize that learning is experiencing.

This has been an academic exchange for me, guaranteed, but it’s been a cultural exchange in which I’ve managed to see the positives of a culture I thought ugly to begin with.

the Google exhibition up in Mori Tower.

I’m encouraged, and determined to go on exchange again in the year 2012.

The benefits from this exchange have soared way beyond my expectations that I’ve realized that the high expectations that I so normally set for myself, were not really that high.

There is higher, there is better, and although I said I was contented with where I am now; I am not contented if this has to all stop.

Life is so short. With each passing year, time is just escaping all of us.

I still feel 15. I still wonder where all that time has gone.

I remember coming here on exchange two years ago, and realizing that if I didn’t make a change in my life and way of thinking- I wouldn’t be able to get to the places I wanted to go.

Two years ago; I made a decision to try,

And thank God I did.

Because look where I am now,

And hopefully I can write another blog similar to this one two years from now, in a country that is not my own, and experience gratitude on a whole new level once again.

All my love always,

April